“My Focusing partner gets flooded by feelings and then, when invited into Self-in-Presence, goes numb.”
Jeanne writes:
My question is about my Focusing partner. She will get in touch with a felt sense and fairly quickly become flooded by her feelings. As her companion, I will guide her towards being Self-in-Presence, using what I have learned from you in Inner Relationship Focusing.
I’m not sure she is getting into Self-in-Presence. She seems to move into a state that is more “numb” or empty. I have suggested that she keep this part company, be curious about “numb,” but the process gets stuck there. Do you have any recommendations?
Dear Jeanne,
When people are flooded by emotions, Focusing is no longer possible. For Focusing to work, we need to be in a spacious state of Presence, which some people call a clear space.
It is a good idea for both you and your Focusing partner to have a series of moves to support her moving into Self-in-Presence. After all, it IS her session…and the invitations we give to ourselves can be the most empowering.
I’m guessing that this state of numbness you describe is a way of escaping from the overwhelming feelings…but not in a way that allows Focusing to happen. To trade overwhelm for numbness allows us to get through the day…but it doesn’t allow real change. It’s a shutting down, not an opening up.
If a person can get a solid sense of being Self-in-Presence, then there won’t be a need to shut down into numbness.
Five simple ways to cultivate Self-in-Presence
(1) Grounding. Feel the support of your lower body, sensing your feet, your legs, your buttocks, resting on what you are sitting on.
(2) Presence language. Say “I am sensing something in me feels _______.”
(3) Acknowledging. “I am saying Hello to ________________.”
(4) A gentle hand. “I am letting a gentle hand go there.”
(5) If necessary, open your eyes, look around the room, feel yourself in the here and now.
Self-in-Presence is the “I” when you say “I am sensing…” and “I am saying Hello.” When you establish your Self-in-Presence, you are expanding your “I” — and also your capacity for strength, compassion, and curiosity.
And Focusing!