“What are the most important qualities of being a great Focusing Companion?”
Kelly writes:
How would you define being a Companion? What are the characteristics and traits of being a great Companion?
Dear Kelly:
Great question! The “Companion” is the name we give to the other person in Focusing partnership, the one who isn’t Focusing. Sometimes this person is also called “the listener,” but I like the word “Companion,” because this person may do more than listen.
In Focusing partnership the roles of Focuser and Companion are traded, so each person gets a turn. Having a Focusing partner is a great way to ensure that Focusing becomes a trusted part of your life. I know I myself would never have stayed with Focusing if I hadn’t had a weekly partnership appointment on my calendar.
So what makes a great Companion?
First of all, the Companion will be what we call “Self-in-Presence.” That means being in a non-reactive state, where anything you hear or see is simply OK as it is.
To get into that state involves taking a bit of time at the start of the session (and even during the session) to come into body awareness and to acknowledge anything in us that is reacting or needs attention. By acknowledging like this, we find ourselves getting clear, feeling open and attentive.
As a Companion, it helps me to remember that I can make a warm connection with someone without feeling responsible for their feelings. This wasn’t easy for me at first! I had a habit of entering into other people’s feelings. Their pain was my pain.
But that’s not a useful state for a Companion. When the Focuser is getting into something deep and possibly painful, it’s good to know we’re NOT making the other person suffer with us. We want the person to be there, interested, steady and warm… but not overly concerned.
My favorite Companions say my words back in a friendly but neutral tone. That gives me as Focuser the space I need to explore.