Focusing Tip #447
“What are our parts really wanting or not wanting when they obsess about things or people?”
Simon writes:
Why do parts obsess about things/people? What are they wanting/not wanting? In obsession, it seems like a part decides it HAS to have something, but while sometimes the object of an obsession connects directly to a clear need (for example I obsessed about a particular girl I liked, which was clearly about wanting love), in other instances the object of obsession seems somewhat removed from personal issues (for example, when I obsessed about bicycle design) — why? Also, how do these parts get formed in the first place? And why do some parts obsess where others get depressed?
Dear Simon,
You might be talking about two different uses of the word “obsession.” When you obsessed about the girl, there was something (someone) you were wanting. But when you obsessed about bicycle design, it sounds like there wasn’t a wanting or a longing involved – just a lot of time and attention.
When obsession is a longing for something we don’t (can’t) have, there is a part that has the longing, and we can ask it, in a Focusing session, what it wants for you from having that. “I’m inviting it to let me know what it wants for me to experience from having that.”
But when an obsession is more like being immersed in an activity to the exclusion of other activities…then you already have what it wants you to have, for example being surrounded by photos of bicycles. You can still ask what it wants for you to feel from having that…and you can also ask what it is not-wanting you to feel if you don’t have bicycles in your life. There is likely to be an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling that it is wanting to help you avoid.
Barbara McGavin and I do have theories about how these parts form, but that won’t fit in this newsletter! We do talk about it in our rather technical article, Treasure Maps to the Soul. The one sentence version is that parts form when trauma compromises our ability to carry life forward fully.
As for why some parts obsess while others get depressed…while others get blocked…while others get addicted…perhaps it has to do with the models we have in our parents and in the world around us. I’m not sure, it needs further study. Interesting!