Ann, Thank you for sharing what you know it is really meaningful for me and fits well with my understanding of myself. I have learned through my own therapy how powerful and vital it is for me to develop this sense of compassion for myself – being there for myself. My trouble is that I am impatient with myself and expect myself to improve and respond to the compassion fairly quickly if not immediately. I have learned that I knew as a child that my parents felt hatred for me and I have also learned that part of me feels hatred for a very young part of me. I am finding knowing about this hatred difficult to accept cognitively even though I feel it loud and clear. I sense that gaining some congruence with how I feel and how I think will help young me but it feels too difficult to accept and I just don’t know how to be me with it. I love focusing, my feelings and my body have actually revealed my story when I didn’t know that I had one. Again, thank you for your message of compassion.
Hi Jen… thank you for sharing some of what you are going through. What comes to me is that feeling hatred for a younger part is BOTH understandable AND something that’s hard to accept. So not to try to make yourself feel just one way about it, but really make room for both. Yes… hating the younger part makes so much sense, that’s what happened to you AND we can feel it’s also not acceptable. It might be that holding both side of that will bring a kind of relief.
I’m finding Focusing helpful with having a friendlier,less fearful and,sometimes even appreciative relationship with what were, in the past, simply probematic feelings.However, it seems that I would need to do quite a bit of focusing and I actually sometimes crave another session.This is because I have quite a bit of anxiety.I could easily revert to being just plain anxious.
Is it possible to do too much focusing?Would I jeopardize my gains by overdoing it?
Hi Pat… What good news that Focusing is helping! And if it’s helping, no wonder you would want to do it a lot. No, I’m not aware of any problems with doing too much Focusing. In fact, I sort of do Focusing all the time!
Hi Ann, these tips and stratagies are really helpful. You mentioned one that really described what i felt when a relationship had ended-i didn’t want to admit it or nobody has been able to hear it in so many words, i didn’t get what i’d expected from it but stayed anyways. Is this some underlying hurt pride or a feeling that it’s all been a waste?
I also wanted to check with you about helping others.Is it ok to use this for ptsd,as it sort of describes a stuckness or numbness?
Thanks Ann, look forward too more vts .
Hi Charlotte… Don’t know where I came up with those ideas about the different reasons that ending a relationship might be hard. The important point is that each one of us is unique, and we get to go inside and sense how it precisely is for us. As for using Focusing with PTSD, absolutely, it’s a wonderful process for trauma recovery because it is so gentle and respectful of how slowly the person needs to go, and exactly what their experience has been.
Thankyou Ann, I am grateful for being reminded that parts can interact with one another.
I can see how Self in Presence is the way to be with parts that come, but how do we make choices about what to do or how to act from Self in Presence?
What I am really asking is, as someone who is in a mid-life change, and looking for new ventures, can I find a new direction from Focusing in Self in Presence, or is it a call to a kind of accepting, observing, inactivity? Can Self in Presence help us find what we want to or should be doing in the world, to find a direction to go forward? Maybe to find a true wanting rather than just the wanting of a part, if that is right.
Hi Tony – Lots of interesting things to say about making decisions. And first, a humbling reminder: just because we are Self-in-Presence and feeling our felt senses doesn’t mean we will know what to do! But we can sense what does feel right… My great friend Helene Brenner suggests saying, “This much I do know,” and sensing what comes. Another one, that I learned from Gene Gendlin, is to try a little step in the direction you are wondering about, and see how that feels. I’ll have an audio course about decision-making coming out this year!
Hi Ann,
I sometimes feel strong emotions and have difficulty with feeling compassion towards them so I found this really useful. Most useful, however, was the piece at the end about feeling numb or feeling nothing. This often happens to me, and I often judge myself quite harshly for this, as I feel a failure, or I feel heartless, depending on the circumstances. I will definitely work with this part as you have suggested.
Thanks for posting these videos.
Catherine
Hi Catherine – I’m touched when I hear that you often judge yourself harshly for feeling “nothing,” and that this might change because of my video. I would be so happy if it did. I’m imagining you beginning to be more kind and welcoming toward feelings of all kinds, including the “absent” ones. (They are probably hiding until they feel more safe!) You are so welcome.
11 Comments
Ann, Thank you for sharing what you know it is really meaningful for me and fits well with my understanding of myself. I have learned through my own therapy how powerful and vital it is for me to develop this sense of compassion for myself – being there for myself. My trouble is that I am impatient with myself and expect myself to improve and respond to the compassion fairly quickly if not immediately. I have learned that I knew as a child that my parents felt hatred for me and I have also learned that part of me feels hatred for a very young part of me. I am finding knowing about this hatred difficult to accept cognitively even though I feel it loud and clear. I sense that gaining some congruence with how I feel and how I think will help young me but it feels too difficult to accept and I just don’t know how to be me with it. I love focusing, my feelings and my body have actually revealed my story when I didn’t know that I had one. Again, thank you for your message of compassion.
Hi Jen… thank you for sharing some of what you are going through. What comes to me is that feeling hatred for a younger part is BOTH understandable AND something that’s hard to accept. So not to try to make yourself feel just one way about it, but really make room for both. Yes… hating the younger part makes so much sense, that’s what happened to you AND we can feel it’s also not acceptable. It might be that holding both side of that will bring a kind of relief.
I’m finding Focusing helpful with having a friendlier,less fearful and,sometimes even appreciative relationship with what were, in the past, simply probematic feelings.However, it seems that I would need to do quite a bit of focusing and I actually sometimes crave another session.This is because I have quite a bit of anxiety.I could easily revert to being just plain anxious.
Is it possible to do too much focusing?Would I jeopardize my gains by overdoing it?
Hi Pat… What good news that Focusing is helping! And if it’s helping, no wonder you would want to do it a lot. No, I’m not aware of any problems with doing too much Focusing. In fact, I sort of do Focusing all the time!
Hi Ann, these tips and stratagies are really helpful. You mentioned one that really described what i felt when a relationship had ended-i didn’t want to admit it or nobody has been able to hear it in so many words, i didn’t get what i’d expected from it but stayed anyways. Is this some underlying hurt pride or a feeling that it’s all been a waste?
I also wanted to check with you about helping others.Is it ok to use this for ptsd,as it sort of describes a stuckness or numbness?
Thanks Ann, look forward too more vts .
Hi Charlotte… Don’t know where I came up with those ideas about the different reasons that ending a relationship might be hard. The important point is that each one of us is unique, and we get to go inside and sense how it precisely is for us. As for using Focusing with PTSD, absolutely, it’s a wonderful process for trauma recovery because it is so gentle and respectful of how slowly the person needs to go, and exactly what their experience has been.
Thankyou Ann, I am grateful for being reminded that parts can interact with one another.
I can see how Self in Presence is the way to be with parts that come, but how do we make choices about what to do or how to act from Self in Presence?
What I am really asking is, as someone who is in a mid-life change, and looking for new ventures, can I find a new direction from Focusing in Self in Presence, or is it a call to a kind of accepting, observing, inactivity? Can Self in Presence help us find what we want to or should be doing in the world, to find a direction to go forward? Maybe to find a true wanting rather than just the wanting of a part, if that is right.
Hi Tony – Lots of interesting things to say about making decisions. And first, a humbling reminder: just because we are Self-in-Presence and feeling our felt senses doesn’t mean we will know what to do! But we can sense what does feel right… My great friend Helene Brenner suggests saying, “This much I do know,” and sensing what comes. Another one, that I learned from Gene Gendlin, is to try a little step in the direction you are wondering about, and see how that feels. I’ll have an audio course about decision-making coming out this year!
Dear Ann,
I just want to say thank you for your presence and for doing this precious work.
With love,
J.
Hi Ann,
I sometimes feel strong emotions and have difficulty with feeling compassion towards them so I found this really useful. Most useful, however, was the piece at the end about feeling numb or feeling nothing. This often happens to me, and I often judge myself quite harshly for this, as I feel a failure, or I feel heartless, depending on the circumstances. I will definitely work with this part as you have suggested.
Thanks for posting these videos.
Catherine
Hi Catherine – I’m touched when I hear that you often judge yourself harshly for feeling “nothing,” and that this might change because of my video. I would be so happy if it did. I’m imagining you beginning to be more kind and welcoming toward feelings of all kinds, including the “absent” ones. (They are probably hiding until they feel more safe!) You are so welcome.