Can you trust what you feel? Read on….
Does the Right Choice Feel Better?
I’m always interested in Focusing and decisions, since Focusing has been a strong ally for me in so many transitions in my life. In 1977 I left the good job I’d been trained for, as an assistant professor in linguistics, and went to… nothing! I had no new job, no specific plans… just a persistent feeling that I was in the wrong place. That turned out to be one of the best moves of my life.
You might think that our bodies help us make decisions by making the “right” choice feel better than the “wrong” one. Oh, no, it isn’t that easy! There are more subtle signals than just “yes” or “no.” Fortunately, Focusing helps us hear them.
As I sat with my decision about whether to leave the job I’d been expensively trained for, the feeling of “wrongness” was unmistakeable. But was it just a part of me that was afraid of the new responsibilities, not liking to be so far away from my friends? Without Focusing, it would have been a lot harder for me to sort out the difference between the fearful parts of me and the compass needle of my soul.
What I learned then, which has stood by me all these years, was that even the fears–I would rather call them “the parts of me that were afraid”–had something valuable to contribute to my decision. But I couldn’t just follow the path of least resistance and do whatever felt “good.” I needed to feel and sense into each side of the decision.
The Treasure in Decisions
I’m convinced that when a decision is hard to make, that’s because there’s something NOT being heard somewhere. If we were in alignment with all parts of us heard from, we would already be acting (or peacefully waiting until the right time for action, which is essentially the same thing) with no tormenting questions about the right thing to do.
Being conscious of having a decision means that there is more than one part of us needing attention. And as so often in Focusing and in life, it’s the one that hasn’t had a voice that most needs to be heard!