A Message from Presence
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Jane writes: "I’m wondering what language to use (or reflect) when something comes that feels as if it is a ‘message from Presence’ — something that seems to come from a deeper, more grounded place, and suggests a new insight, or appropriate next step, and often represents a reconciliation of opposing views (or wanted feelings) of two parts. Just to speak of it as coming from ‘a part’ seems to imply that it has the same ‘partial view’ that parts generally have, and just using ‘something is saying’ also doesn’t seem to give it the acknowledgment it warrants."
Dear Jane,
I know just what you mean… and I have some ideas for you. But first, let’s give some definitions and examples so that all the Weekly Tips readers will follow what we’re talking about.
"Presence" is defined as an inner state of being not identified with a part of us or an partial view of the situation. When we are in Presence, we are able to acknowledge and hear the points of view of the different sides of an inner struggle without getting caught up in it. In Presence we’re impartial — and also interested, curious, compassionate, and open to possibilities.
An example of an inner struggle might be: "I know I should eat in a more healthy way but I keep pigging out on maple-walnut ice cream." We can tell that that sentence is not spoken from Presence. Two parts or sides are being expressed, but in a biased way.
If that sentence were spoken in a Focusing session, and if the Focuser had requested help in finding Presence, then the Companion might say: "You’re sensing something in you that wants to eat in a more healthy way, and you’re aware of another something in you that eats maple-walnut ice cream."
And this is what Jane is talking about when she talking about speaking of something as "from a part" or "with a partial view." This way of speaking (we call it Presence language) with "You’re sensing something in you…" helps the Focuser stay in Presence with the different parts of the inner struggle, and that’s going to enable each of them to be heard fully, and carry forward.
However… it can also happen, usually later in a Focusing session, that there is a real insight or fresh step that seems to come from the whole process rather than from a part. And then, Jane wonders, how do we phrase our "saying back" as a Focusing Companion?
For example, after listening to the part that wants to eat in a more healthy way and the part that wants to eat maple-walnut ice cream, the Focuser might say this: "I don’t want to do anything by force." It doesn’t sound like it comes from either part. It sounds more like the person herself, in Presence, realizing what any situation needs to include.
In such a case, it’s fine to say "you." "You’re realizing that you don’t want to do anything by force." "You" is the best word for the person in Presence.
Another way this kind of wholistic insight can come is as a "wanting" or a "knowing." It’s clear that our whole organism can "know" its right next steps. And that knowing can come–is very welcome to come–in a Focusing process.
Focuser: "This isn’t supposed to feel bad. Growing and changing doesn’t have to feel bad."
Companion: "You have a knowing that growing and changing doesn’t have to feel bad."
So, yes, Presence language is very powerful, but it’s also true that not everything spoken in a Focusing session is from a part, and we have other ways of reflecting for those other ways of speaking.