Focusing Tip #434
“My companion at one point suggested that these parts all might want to share what the truth is for them…”
My question has to do with a Focusing session in which I explored embarking on a more proactive leadership role in my life. I sensed three parts; one that was highly critical, telling me that I was not qualified, equipped for the role, or smart enough. It was also afraid that I would be mocked.
The second part was a very passive, Cinderella-in-the-ashes type of part who totally believed the first part and stayed safe by doing many things in the background but never in the limelight.
The third part was very objective and knew “the truth.” It listed my talents and gifts and reminded me in a very non-egoic or boastful way of my accomplishments and the feedback of others.
My companion at one point suggested that these parts all might want to share what the truth was for them. She felt that it wasn’t an appropriate suggestion according to Inner Relationship Focusing, but we went with it anyway. It was actually extremely helpful because the first two parts really believed what they were saying. Obviously they were trying to protect and defend me. It actually enabled me to be more compassionate to them from Self in Presence.
I would never want to argue with something that was helpful!
However, your companion was right…asking each part what it believes to be true isn’t what I would do.
Why? Because it gets you into content…and addressing the content is not the way that parts transform.
In the Treasure Maps to the Soul work developed by Barbara McGavin and myself, parts (also known as “partial-selves”) struggle with each other in the tangled areas of our lives. They do this because they have strong feelings and strong beliefs about what will help us, but they have only a partial perspective.
You had a part pushing you back from your leadership step, calling you unqualified. You had another part encouraging you, reminding you of your talents and gifts. And a third part is staying safe.
Although they all probably believe what they are saying, the truth is that what they believe is far less important than what they are doing. The one that is pushing you back from that forward step is undoubtedly anxious about what will happen to you if you go for it. And so on.
For a transformative process, we need to turn toward each one, make a genuine contact (“Hello I know you’re there”) and then sense what it is not-wanting to happen IF you go in the direction it is discouraging.
“I’m inviting what it is not wanting to happen if I take a proactive leadership role.”
I think you can feel how this kind of invitation goes down in instead of staying in the eternal circling of the Tangle.