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Focusing Tip #339: “It’s hard to do Focusing with my scary parts.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Focusing doesn’t work with scary parts because my attention avoids them.” Anna writes: “I’ve watched your YouTube video where you say it’s important to face ‘our darkest parts.’ And you’ve mentioned that even though they’re dark (a.k.a. unpleasant to see and realize they are there), it’s important to Focus on them. If these feelings were as easy to deal with as other sensations, no one would have a problem with them! It’s easy to be with a ‘scared’ or ‘reluctant’ part… but not so much with some ‘crazy’ part that has 100X intensity when it arises. The regular way I…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #338: “How can I be Self-in-Presence when I’m sobbing?”
- by Ann Weiser CornellJanet writes: “These days I find myself not only crying at times, but sobbing. I find it difficult to connect with Self-in-Presence when I’m crying that hard. So far I’ve let myself cry for as long as I need to (2 to 15 minutes). Then I breathe deeply with my hands on my abdomen, saying ‘in’ and ‘out’ with each breath, for another minute unless I can regain some ground. “My question: what’s a way to connect with Presence in this circumstance?” Dear Janet, It sounds like you’re doing really well! You are letting yourself cry for as long as…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #337: “My client didn’t want to welcome her feelings.”
- by Ann Weiser CornellMarilyn writes: “I was working with a client the other day getting the felt sense in her body. She had a ‘grouping’ of feeling words that presented themselves per her dilemma. I instructed her to say ‘hello’ to the feeling words. I also stated to her that it was OK for these feelings to be there, as I continued to ask her to welcome/accept them. “She told me they were very powerful feelings with much anger in them, and she was scared to say hello to them. She didn’t want to acknowledge and accept them. “I instructed her to then…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #336: “Can I trust my gut about romantic attraction?”
- by Ann Weiser CornellJulian writes: “I have learned over the years that my ‘gut’ often tells me a great deal about people before I get to know them personally. When there’s romantic attraction involved, however, I can get confused about how to read the information I am receiving. “There may be tension or fluttering in my gut but it’s very difficult to determine what’s there. There’s something that’s afraid and resistant (or at least hesitant) to getting close to someone, and maybe there’s intuitive knowledge that this particular person would not be good for me, but it’s too murky to tell these…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #335: “Focusing doesn’t always work, people need other things.”
- by Ann Weiser CornellRecently I had a conversation with a healing professional who wanted to let me know she had discovered that Focusing doesn’t always work. Intrigued, I asked her to say more. “People need other things,” she said. “Just listening to them isn’t enough.” “Ah, thank you!” I said to her. I feel so grateful to hear this. Because it lets me know that I have not been as effective as I would like in communicating a couple of things. One. Listening to a client, saying back what they say, is a great way to communicate respect, to help them stay…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #334: “Does Self-in-Presence speak?”
- by Ann Weiser CornellBecky writes: “Does Self in Presence speak? Or if you get a message from something within you, does that necessarily mean it is a Part speaking? Seems like sometimes Parts impersonate Presence, but if Presence doesn’t speak, then that would be one way of telling the difference. And if Presence does speak, then can we identify Presence by the kinds of things it says?” Dear Becky, It’s an interesting question! The easiest thing to say is: Of course Self-in-Presence speaks, because you speak, and ideally you are Self-in-Presence. So when you say “Hello I know you’re there,” to something…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #333: “I put my hand on my chest and my chest won’t have it.”
- by Ann Weiser CornellNancy writes: “I subscribed to your free e-course on Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You, and I’m enjoying it. However, I’m finding an obstacle when I place my hand on the place in my body where I feel the sensation. For example, I get a tight, anxious feeling in my chest. I say, ‘Something in me feels tight and anxious.’ I say Hello, then rest my hand on my chest, but my chest wants no part of it! The tight, anxious feeling retreats and my hand feels like a reprimand, as if it is telling my chest not to…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #332: “I feel an urgency to do Focusing all the time.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“There are so many voices in me that want to to be heard.” A Reader writes: “Now that I have experienced that I can really go inside myself and find all kind of answers, it is like I want to do Focusing all the time. And something in me is not feeling good about this, as if it thinks I’ll do too much Focusing. “It is like if I am having a hard time trying to find a balance because there are so many voices in me that want to be heard and they kind of scream in desperation. As…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #331: “My Focusing gets manic at night when I can’t sleep.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I do manic Focusing — particularly at night when I can’t sleep.” Miranda writes: “I’ve been doing less Focusing because if I do it when I’m anxious, particularly at night when I can’t sleep, I do it manically, going from one feeling to the next very quickly. I think there is probably something desperate and very frightened which can’t settle and is afraid to slow down or doesn’t know how to. I get stuck in a kind of ‘thinking’ Focusing because there is too much going on in my body, switching from place to place. “The thinking sometimes feels like it…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #330: “A part of me says it wants to be left alone.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“The felt sense told me it needed to be left alone…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JP writes: “While doing some focusing on an unclear felt sense I came to feel a strong sense of loss and the feeling of something being cut away. This was quite painful and it felt as though a grieving stage was the next step in the process. However, while focusing on this sense of something being cut away I asked the felt sense what it needed right now. After a long time focusing the felt sense told me it needed to be left alone, that I needed…
Ann Weiser Cornell