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Focusing Tip #329: Focusing and Depression, Part Two
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Let’s ignore the dark stuff, and just be happy.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last week we heard from a reader who asked if it was possible to do Focusing while depressed. I replied that a part that believes the world is a hopeless place is trying to protect her from feeling worse. This week we hear back from her… “Thank you for your comprehensive reply! I had a focusing session between asking my question and receiving your answer, and in it, exactly as you said, I encountered first a slumped/deflated/sad/unhappy part, quickly supplanted by a worried/critical part. After spending time with the…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #328: “Can I do Focusing when I am depressed?”
- by Ann Weiser CornellA Reader writes: Can I do Focusing when I am depressed? I know ‘depressed’ covers a whole lot of points along the spectrum, and the answer probably varies depending on far along the spectrum it is. For me, the essence of depression is distortion, and the loss of perspective. I am afraid if I do Focusing while depressed, and come face to face with some of these bitterly disappointed and unhappy parts of myself (which have big global beliefs about how black the world is, and how hopeless) – if I do that when there isn’t a lot of strength…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #327: What to do when there’s deep resistance?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I recognize a deep resistance to Focusing on this, alone or with a partner.” Last week Mary wrote (and I responded) about the redness and soreness in her face, getting angry with it, and feeling ashamed and guilty. She also wrote: “I am recognizing a deep resistance to focusing on this issue alone or with a partner.” This week I’d like to respond to that part of her question. Dear Mary, It’s a tough situation to be in, to know that something needs the attention and healing that Focusing offers, and yet to be reluctant to bring that issue into…
Ann Weiser CornellApril 3 2012 – Tip #326
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When it itches, I react, I scratch… and then feel guilty and ashamed.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mary writes: “For some time I have experienced redness and soreness on my face. I expected it to just clear up again, but it hasn’t. Now I keep finding myself merged in an angry exchange with this part – when it itches I react, I scratch and of course make it worse and then feel guilty and overwhelmed. Also recognizing a deep resistance to focusing on this issue alone or with a partner. Am writing because I would like to explore this, to understand what is…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 27 2012 – Tip #325
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Who is this ‘I’ who is doing the compassionate Focusing?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A reader asks: “When I am being a kind and supportive companion to different places or parts in myself… who is this ‘I’ who is doing the companioning? Is the companion a part… and am I then merging with it…? How does the concept of Presence fit into to this? “The reason I’m asking is, this really disturbed and shaken/scared place seems to arise as I start to relate with kindness to various places inside me that are feeling vulnerable, upset or shaky maybe, that need some caring, and…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 20 2012 – Tip #324
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“If I accept everything, do I have do give up my desire for results?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Reader writes: “How do you balance the desire for change with the acceptance of everything that’s there?” Dear Reader, Such an interesting question! You are aware of my book, The Radical Acceptance of Everything, and my message that it is the non-judging, non-pushing state of Self-in-Presence that allows the most profound change. So of course you wonder — and who does not? — what does that mean about desiring change? About wanting results? Does accepting everything mean that you not supposed to want…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 13 2012 – Tip #323
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What about sensing what the part likes or doesn’t like?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judy writes: “Yesterday during my Focusing partnership session, while I was the Companion, the Focuser was having some difficulty sensing an emotional quality or what it was like for a part from its point of view. As an experiment, I asked her to see if it felt right to sense what the part liked or didn’t like. What do you think about using like/not like in Focusing? Perhaps in certain circumstances? Just curious.” Dear Judy, It’s great to invent new invitations! Sitting there with the person, tuned in and…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #322: What if anxiety is holding off sadness?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Is it possible that very sad feelings start to surface after anxiety gets better?” Anna writes: “I was having frequent anxiety experiences which were triggered by specific events, and it was easy to focus on this since it was easy to feel. After some therapy and positive experiences the anxiety is reduced a lot. But now it seems like some other feeling either got surfaced, or just emerged, to replace the anxiety. I don’t want to call it depression, because this word is loaded, but it’s like ‘feeling down.’ I have a suspicion it has always been there, but I wasn’t…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #321: When your body feels like a source of torment…
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I feel deeply ashamed of a condition in my body so I can’t be with it.” A Reader writes: “It came up tonight with my Focusing partner that I feel deeply ashamed – and that is very hard to be with. I don’t want to see how that feels in my body because it comes from there. I have psoriasis badly and have done so most of my life — it feels more like I have to endure it, rage at it, be resigned in relation to it — almost anything but sit beside it. This comes up again and again in…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #320: Holding on to Sadness
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I am addicted to sadness, longing, self-pity, wishing, dreaming, etc…” A Reader writes: Recently I identified myself as being addicted to the emotion of sadness, and all of the concomitant feelings/behaviors like longing, self-pity, wishing, dreaming, etc. Coming from an alcoholic home, I retreated often, drew inward to a sad place that was at least safe. My life choices all seem to have taken me to one sad situation after another. And other very unhappy life circumstances like the death of my young child many years ago have kept me stuck in this sad place. Now I find myself working…
Ann Weiser Cornell