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Focusing Tip #319: Deeply Listening to Childhood Triggers
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When the trigger is from my childhood, it causes me anxiety all day long.” Jenny writes: “I have a question. When I Focus I start to see the source of the ‘felt sense,’ what happened to make this feel that way. I realize the ‘trigger’ is because of something from my childhood. I stay with it and put a hand on it. I sometimes feel the ‘release’ or ‘calm’ but it keeps coming back in my mind throughout the day and causes me anxiety all day long. Also I feel it is difficult for me to separate myself from the…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 7 2012 – Tip #318
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Wouldn’t a silent Focusing partner be the ultimate in radical acceptance?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joe writes: “I know you focus on ‘radical acceptance’. Letting whatever be there, be there, with no polluting it so that whatever needs to be heard and to emerge can be heard and can emerge. “And so I wonder. Have you ever played with the Focusing partner sitting there completely silent the entire time? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate ‘radical acceptance’?” Dear Joe, The way that Focusing partnership works, the Focuser can certainly ask for silence from the partner if that is what is wanted. But my own…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 31 2012 – Tip #317
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I fall for the uninterested guys and I’m not interested in the nice ones…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few weeks ago we heard from Anna, who talked about having overwhelming feelings when she is with a man she likes. Now Anna writes: “Thank you for the useful insight. But it’s only a part of my relationship problem. The men who I fall in love with, actually seem to be wrong for me, they are not even interested in me seriously. “I don’t know if you have time to see what other parts are involved in me choosing wrong people, or getting scared…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 24 2012 – Tip #316
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When I finally make a decision, this part shakes its head and says ‘wrong’!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maggie writes: “I wonder if you could talk about making decisions? As I begin this year, there are so many options whizzing by like buses, all going to different destinations. I feel quite overwhelmed, not sure when I need to stick my thumb out and stop a bus to get on. And it’s easy to get stuck, just standing here, unable to make a decision. “There is an ‘all-knowing’ part of me that stands there with its fists closed, as if it has the ‘right…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #315: “My falling-in-love feelings are too strong.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When I’m attracted to a man, the feelings are so overwhelming…” Anna writes: “When I’m attracted to a man, my feelings are so overwhelming that they paralyze me. It happens when I “fall in love,” or “have a crush,” or just like someone. That’s why I always date only those people I don’t have strong feelings for, just who I’m comfortable with. But I’d like to be able to date a man I’m attracted to! I’ve heard from many people, that it’s normal to have “overwhelming feelings” but I’m thinking maybe mine are stronger, because when I feel I’m falling for…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #314: “Can I pursue my goal, yet have no agenda?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Can I pursue my goal and yet have no agenda?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pat writes: “As I hold things in me with compassion and no goals I want to know how do I do this with a part that is about being unemployed. My goal is to find a job and it has been a year of looking. How do I hold this part with no goal when I and the whole world knows I need to be employed?” Dear Pat, I’m so sorry you’re having trouble finding a job — but thank you for sending a great question for the…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #313: “Do I treat myself the way others have treated me?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Do our parts learn how to act and relate to each other from the environment we grew up in?” Paul writes: “One trouble I often have with Focusing is in saying ‘Hello’ to a part, especially a highly charged part that is reacting strongly to something. Saying ‘Hello’ is a basic first step of Focusing, but for me, that has often been very hard and not within my capability at that moment. “I searched for answers and opened my Focusing Student’s & Companion’s Manual. What I found there, on page 8, fascinated me. Acknowledging is basically saying “you are there”;…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #312: Changing Habits Without Pushing
- by Ann Weiser CornellChanging habits without pushing or feeling bad about yourself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is the time of year when many of us — including me — think about making plans and setting intentions for the year ahead. The new year is coming, the clean page of the calendar is turning… and it feels like a good time for a fresh start on changing some habits. Take exercise, for example. For various reasons I’ve fallen out of the habit of regular exercise. I know my body will feel better if I do it, and my mind will be clearer… not to mention the…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 20, 2011 – Tip #311
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Why do we have experiences that too much happiness is followed by doom?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hannah writes: “Thank you for your answer last week about the part that doesn’t want another part to be too happy. I do wonder: why do we have experiences like this — that too much happiness may be followed by doom, meaning the happiness was a deception?” Dear Hannah, Well, happiness is going to be followed by something. Fabulous, OK, bad, horrible — something will happen. And if we have a part that is afraid happiness will be followed by doom, then that part of us…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 13 2011 – Tip #310
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Should I be identifying with the happy feeling if another part of me is cautious about being too happy?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mandeep writes: “In a recent Focusing session, I noticed two parts. One part was joyful, light and dancing around — happy and free. Another part was cautious about being too happy just in case the good feeling doesn’t last or in case it was tempting the fates. “In Focusing classes, I have learned that it is encouraged to identify with the good feelings — in this case the joyful part. But that Focusing allows us to dis-identify or not merge…
Ann Weiser Cornell