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July 19 2011 – Tip #289
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"Focusing makes it MORE difficult to communicate with other people."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Noa writes: "It seems that the more I do Focusing, the more I live in my own inner world, cut off from communication with other people. It's like I live in a different world from them, and I feel lonely and invisible. Focusing seems to make it more difficult to communicate with other people. Do you know what I mean?"Dear Noa,It sounds to me like Focusing is helping you to discover the richness of your inner world. I know my own experience, when I first began to do Focusing, was astonishment…
Ann Weiser CornellJuly 12 2011 – Tip #288
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"Saying 'I'm sensing something in me that's pressing' didn't work."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ina writes: "Today I tried to do Focusing. 'What's the point?' was the sentence. I'm facing my 68th birthday, had a falling out with my 6 year old granddaughter, having the thought that I have virtually no skills with children, not able to access empathy or NVC or anything in the moment – just as I always was, so What's the point?"I did get a felt sense of a giant pressing, a pressing down on my airway, or my sternum. Like a hand of enormous strength, superman strength. But saying 'I'm…
Ann Weiser CornellJuly 5 2011 – Tip #287
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"The parts do not trust the reassurances of Self-in-Presence."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Susan writes: "I'm stuck at the end of some difficult Focusing sessions with the various 'somethings' or parts that have expressed themselves turning to Me, Self-In-Presence. I respond from my best effort at Self-in-Presence to reassure the various not-yet-resolved parts that I will pay attention to them again and do my best to be consistent, mature, and as trustworthy as they need me to be. "The trouble is that the parts simply have lost trust in that declaration — the parts do not trust Self-in-Presence. So closing the session with Self-in-Presence reassurance…
Ann Weiser CornellJune 28 2011 – Tip #286
- by Ann Weiser CornellEven more on feeling the feelings of the person you're Focusing with~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last week's Tip and the one the week before, on feeling or not feeling a Focusing partner's feelings, has generated more email in response than any topic I can remember!Most of you enjoyed or felt supported by the concept of mirror neurons, and many offered examples from your own Focusing partnership, of times when you offered your partner an image or feeling that came to you, and it helped them…but you were also open to the possibility that it might not fit for them. (That's the key, isn't it?)I…
Ann Weiser CornellJune 21 2011 – Tip #285
- by Ann Weiser CornellMore on feeling the feelings of the person you're Focusing with~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last week we heard from Vonna, who wrote: "When the person I'm companioning has strong feelings, I start to have those same feelings in my own body. Yesterday I was with someone who was Focusing with a tight squeezing feeling in her chest, and I started feeling that in MY chest. Is this supposed to be happening? I find it a bit scary."I responded that it was not supposed to be happening, and gave Vonna some tips on not feeling her Focusing partner's feelings.Then I got an email from R.D.…
Ann Weiser CornellJune 14 2011 – Tip #284
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I take on the feelings of the person I'm Focusing with."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vonna writes: "My Focusing is going OK, but I have a question about Focusing partnership. When the person I'm companioning has strong feelings, I start to have those same feelings in my own body. Yesterday I was with someone who was Focusing with a tight squeezing feeling in her chest, and I started feeling that in MY chest."Is this supposed to be happening? I find it a bit scary."Dear Vonna,You sound like a very sensitive, empathic person. But no, feeling the feelings of the other person is not what is…
Ann Weiser CornellJune 6 2011 – Tip #283
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I don't like it when someone reflects back what I'm saying."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Robin writes: "I'm in the fourth week of a Path to Lasting Change, Part One, and last night I realized I'm not liking it when I'm the Focuser and someone is reflecting back what I'm saying. I know what you've said about the Focuser being in charge and what the Companion's role is, etc. I appreciate the many aspects of what the Companion offers — the carefully worded language, not questioning or helping or judging, being present so the Focuser can be present, and much more. "The thing is, it's…
Ann Weiser CornellMay 31 2011 – Tip #282
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"Did I forget anything?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I travel for weeks at a time, four or five times a year. Of course I have a routine. I have a travel toiletry kit that stays packed. I store things in my suitcase that I only need when I travel. I have a master packing list that I can print out and consult each time. But that's not all I do. I also do Focusing. And sometimes Focusing is what saves me from forgetting something major.Today I'm packing for the Focusing International Conference that starts tomorrow — a two and a half hour drive from where I…
Ann Weiser CornellMay 24 2011 – Tip #281
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"Are positive feelings better than negative feelings?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Paul writes: "Is a feeling of positivity a part, just like a feeling of negativity is considered a part? (As in: Part of me is happy and part of me is sad about that.) It seems I never see in your writing where positive or 'good' feelings are looked at in terms of partiality, and something about this is confusing to me. "I say to myself: 'But aren't all inner experiences parts? What does it matter if they are 'positive' or 'negative'?" And when I feel both positive and negative feelings (As in: I am…
Ann Weiser CornellMay 17 2011 – Tip #280
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"How do I describe it when a part of me is reacting to a part in the other?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Vicky asks: "I've recently found that when I'm describing an interaction with someone during a Focusing session, my companion notices that a part of me is interacting with (or reacting to!) a PART of the other person. "For instance, I was doing a session with a part of me that has a hard time listening to advice from a friend of mine. Then my companion gave a reflection that sparked a realization that this strong advice is coming from a part of my…
Ann Weiser Cornell