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May 19 2009 – Tip #191
- by Ann Weiser CornellIn the last Tips e-zine, on the topic of anger, I wrote: "It might be something in you knowing that how it was, was not how it should be–or that how it is, is not how it should be."We got a response from Michael, who questioned my talking about "how it should be" as judgmental. Was it judgmental? Read on… What about saying "want" instead of "should"?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Michael writes: "As anger has been a valuable teacher in my life I appreciated your comments and insights. I did have the sense of preferring the wording of "not how it wants to be"…
Ann Weiser CornellMay 12 2009 – Getting Unblocked #23
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"You're going to wreck this opportunity like all the others."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I remember the voice that used to sound like that in my head. While I struggled with blocks and procrastination, this self-attacking inner critic made everything worse. I felt so bad about myself that I often gave up without even trying to do the task. Then the voice got even more attacking, and I felt even worse… it was really a vicious cycle.When Barbara McGavin and I started looking in a new way that this criticizing process, we had a big revelation. This "partial self" isn't trying to criticize you. It's…
Ann Weiser CornellMay 5 2009 – Tip #190
- by Ann Weiser CornellThe "More" to Anger~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ian writes: "I've been 'working on' anger for the last few years, and finding various Focusing things useful: sensing for various parts that arise with/around the part that's feeling angry about something, sensing for what's getting it so angry, sensing for what it's not wanting and wanting, and so on. But I feel that there's more."The whole thing's got me wondering again about anger, and I'm wanting to go deeper with the whole issue and I'm tired of getting caught up in society's perspectives, because all of that societal stuff, and parental stuff, and Christian stuff, and…
Ann Weiser CornellApril 28 2009 – Getting Unblocked #22
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"If not laziness, then what?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~You're not doing what you need to do. The piles are getting higher. The emails from the people you promised are sounded more and more annoyed. The nasty voice in your head is clamoring for your blood. But you still aren't doing a thing.What's going on?Some people in this situation have discovered they have a non-standard brain function known as ADD–Attention Deficit Disorder. It can make ordinary tasks seem impossible, and a diagnosis in itself can be a great relief.We heard from a reader who hopes her story can help others. "I was in my sixties…
Ann Weiser CornellApril 21 2009 – Tip #189
- by Ann Weiser CornellWouldn't the Focusing Approach to Cancer Be a Gentle One?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Marti asks: "My question is about cancer. We still don't know for sure what causes cancer – whether it might be from something outside ourselves like a virus, or whether it's our own cells gone amok. So far, it seems to be our own cells, turned against us, trying to kill us. Most approaches to cancer use chemotherapy, drugs exterior to our own systems, to enter and try to kill off the cancer cells. Some drug therapies try to strengthen our own white blood cells to fight the cancer. At any…
Ann Weiser CornellApril 13 2009 – Getting Unblocked #21
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I struggle with laziness"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meredith writes: "I struggle with laziness. I am one of those people that excels at everything I do and thus I can get by without doing much, creating laziness. It drives me insane that I am not motivated to use my natural gifts to make a big positive impact in the world."Dear Meredith,So you struggle with laziness. Really?How do you know? Imagine that you are living with a roommate who has stopped doing her share of the housecleaning. You are convinced this is because she is lazy. But you haven't spoken to her in weeks. Come to…
Ann Weiser CornellApril 7 2009 – Tip #188
- by Ann Weiser CornellIs There a Best Posture for Focusing?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Orrin asks: "What is the impact of posture on Focusing and is there a preferred posture? I usually focus at my desk, where I have a speaker phone, leaning back in my desk chair with my feet on the seat of a chair next to the desk. I am conscious of my feet being supported by the chair, but also that they are in the air. Occasionally I will focus sitting in a chair with my feet on the ground. Then I am usually aware of my feet being more solid and kind of…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 31 2009 – Getting Unblocked #20
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I sabotage my own moves toward success"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Maggie writes: "Although I am keen to be successful in my writing and my work, I often sabotage my own moves toward success."I realize that for me, success implies exposure, expectations, and also the threat of failing and causing disappointment, and ultimately rejection. Rejection is something I experienced painfully during my teenage years, and there is a part of me that seems to be intent on that never happening again. Indeed, this part of me seems to have developed very clever ways of leading me away from the effort and discipline that might lead…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 24, 2009 – #187
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat about negotiating with negative beliefs?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Elizabeth writes: "I have recently come in contact with a coaching process that suggests 'negotiating' with the negative beliefs or feelings of what they call the 'ego mind'. I am curious about the negotiating angle. They suggest that until you negotiate with this ego and agree that you won't do what it's afraid of, you won't be able go forward. What is your experience with negotiating or not negotiating with unsure or fearful places? Does this work? Why not and what does allow a gentle forward flow?"Dear Elizabeth,Negotiating is something we do when the other…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 17 2009 – Getting Unblocked #19
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I am so stuck!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jenna writes: "I am struggling mightily with the question of whether or not to be in contact with my former husband. I have deep feelings of attachment for him still and many fond memories, but the reason we're divorced is that he was unfaithful to me for years, which I didn't know while we were together. When I found out, we separated and eventually divorced. The pain caused by the depth of his betrayal was agonizing, and even though almost 10 years have passed since we split, I still have lingering pain and anger at times. In…
Ann Weiser Cornell