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March 10, 2009 – #186
- by Ann Weiser CornellIs Focusing "self-help" as in "You're doing too much self-help"?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Susan writes: "One of my friends insists that focusing is 'self-help'. Her opinion is that I am doing too much 'self-help', which she believes can become an indulgence and crutch. How would you compare self-help and focusing?"Dear Susan,Well, sure, Focusing is self-help. It's something you do for yourself that helps.Obviously your friend means something else when she disdains "self-help." We can only guess what that is… but a quick Google search yields an article called "Five Signs Self-Help is Ruining Your Life" that we might take as typical. (It's here.)The arguments…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 3 2009 – Getting Unblocked #18
- by Ann Weiser CornellHow easy are decisions for you? If decision-making is blocked, that could affect every area of life… Read on! "I can't decide… and it's driving me crazy."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Being in the middle of an incomplete decision can feel like being torn apart, or like going crazy, or like foggy confusion, or like pressure and stress from inside… And often there are outside pressures as well.On the other side of not being able to decide is flowing action in integrity with the whole self. That's what we want, isn't it?–to know what is right, and take action calmly and smoothly.And perhaps it would…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 24 2009 • #185
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat makes it safe to do Focusing with a partner?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I just finished a lovely weekend workshop at the Garrison Institute in New York. With the support of Sharon Zamkovitz, I was teaching Focusing Path to Lasting Change, Part One and How to Teach Path to Lasting Change, Part One, two workshops at the same time. Exciting!One thing stood out for me as I helped beginning Focusers feel confident about practicing with each other after the workshop: Focusing partnership needs to follow certain guidelines in order to be safe and empowering for both people.When you depart from those guidelines, the lack…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 17 2009 • Getting Unblocked #17
- by Ann Weiser CornellAre you blocked about money? What a perfect time to release that block… But how? Read on!"I don't earn more than pocket money"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A reader writes: "I am 52 years old. I know that what I'm doing now is my destiny. I have an income from it but it's very small! I did two focusing sessions with my partner, on my attitude towards money. I saw and felt a big river that joins the ocean. I saw and felt an image of golden coins in my purse. But I feel that there is more – something that can explain the realty…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 10 2009 • #184
- by Ann Weiser CornellDid you ever have a sense of relief from a Focusing session, only to have the problem come back again later? That’s what happened to SB. Read on for what I said to her about it… When the sense of relief doesn’t last ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SB writes: “Several times I have had a deep Focusing session that is connected to some past trauma. At the end of the session I feel very good, and the issue seems to be resolved. I feel a sense of relief at the time–but in the next few days I become very anxious and depressed and…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 3 2009 • Getting Unblocked #16
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat if I need to get moving right away? Are there some tips that work? Read on!"Without haste, and without delay"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I suffered for most of my life from action blocks and procrastination. In those days, it was: Give me a task to do, and I'll sit on it and feel bad about it for months. Anything to do with writing or making phone calls was the worst. In my 40s, when I was the President of the Board of a national nonprofit, my task was to call up well-known people and invite them to speak at our annual event. It…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 27 2009 #183
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhy I don't ask questions ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Focusing student was listening to me guide a first-time Focuser in my Demonstration Class. After the session was over, she was amazed. "You didn't ask questions!" That's what astonished her the most. It's true. When I take someone through a Focusing process, I do not ask questions. And I have a very good reason for that. From my research in sociolinguistics (the study of language use in interaction) I have discovered that questions are not a very effective way of facilitating a process. A question is a great way to find out information…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 20 2009 • Getting Unblocked #15
- by Ann Weiser CornellMichelle suffers agonies of anxiety when she has to speak to an audience or perform. What can help? Read on!"Whenever I have to speak before an audience I feel anxious for days" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Michelle writes: "Whenever I have to speak before an audience, I feel anxious for days before the event. I wake up in the night and sense something in me is worrying. I also sense another part which is saying, 'Why do you do this to yourself? You know that this happens every time and yet there you are doing it anyway.' "When I do Focusing with this,…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 13 2009 #182
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat about "legitimate worries?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the last Tips I wrote about not becoming identified with the part of you that's worried. I invited you to notice the difference between "I am worried" and "I am sensing that something in me is worried." I said that acknowledging that worry is "not wanting" can bring a sense of relief, and I gave the example of my own worry about running out of money, saying that when I acknowledge that the worried part of me doesn't want me to run out of money, I get a fresh sense of perspective, including knowing…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 6 2009 • Getting Unblocked #14
- by Ann Weiser CornellBridget is facing a deadline… but the stubborn part that doesn't want to write won't see reason! What can she do? Read on! "I'm facing a deadline and Focusing seems like procrastination" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bridget writes: "I'm facing a deadline and all this focusing seems to be just so much procrastination. Or there's a part of me that believes it's procrastination. And there's another part of me that doesn't want to start until it's too late. "I'm trying to listen to the part of me that doesn't want to write. It runs and hides. I guess it's afraid of the part…
Ann Weiser Cornell