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December 30 2008 #181
- by Ann Weiser CornellBefore I talk about this week's topic, you might be wondering what happened with my computer disaster that I wrote about last time. I said my computer had crashed, my backup was bad too, and I may have lost four months of work on my laptop. And I said, thanks to Focusing, my stomach was calm. Turns out I just lost 2 1/2 months… and amazingly, I had recently made copies or mailed to people everything really important. So I still have the photos from Italy… and all the work I did on my new CD set on Releasing Blocks…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 16 2008 • Getting Unblocked #13
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I needed and wanted to totally BE those feelings." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin writes: "A few days ago, something happened in my life that came as a complete shock and filled me with all sorts of extremely intense 'dark, negative' feelings. Gladly, I am in a completely different place now as I write this. "But at the time, when I thought about doing Focusing, there was absolutely no way Focusing was going to happen. When I thought about getting a little distance from the intense feelings, there was an equally intense reaction of 'NO!' in my belly. I needed and wanted to…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 9 2008 #180
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"When the Unexpected Happens" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Those are the words at the top of the fax I've just received from the data recovery experts. Yes, my laptop computer's hard drive failed a few days ago… and then I discovered that my scheduled backups hadn't been working. I may have lost all the work I've done on my laptop for the past four months. And yet I notice that I still have a calm stomach! I keep checking in… acknowledging the part of me that wants very feebly to kick me for not checking the backup sooner… saying hello to something in…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 2 2008 • Getting Unblocked #12
- by Ann Weiser CornellThe Difference Between Will Power and Self-in-Presence ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~It happens like this: you've decided to change your life. You've noticed that some habit or behavior is not serving you. You declare: "OK! I'm just not going to eat foods that contain processed sugar any more." (This was my reader's example…) But you know from long experience that IF this turns into an inner power struggle, where one part of you has to exercise control over another part of you… it doesn't turn out well. The "will-power" part of you gets more and more controlling and anxious as the rebellious…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 25 2008 #179
- by Ann Weiser CornellDo We Need to Give External Expression to Emotions? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jason asks, "Do you think it is necessary to give external expression to emotions? In Focusing, mainly, we just sense it within, but in some other therapies, they emphasize acting it out." Dear Jason, Great question! You're pointing to a difference in the assumptions underlying our work with Focusing vs other modalities… but those differences don't always play out the way one would expect. The key distinction is whether one welcomes emotional expression, but doesn't push for it… or whether one is convinced that emotional expression is "necessary," and therefore…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 18 2008 • Getting Unblocked #11
- by Ann Weiser CornellWelcome to the Tangle ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When a situation has multiple interconnected aspects, and it feels impossible to move forward with any of them, and we're not even sure why… that's something that Barbara McGavin and I call "the Tangle." It often feels like we pick up one thread after another, trying each one, giving up, trying another… self-criticism and frustration get mixed in… giving up doesn't help but pushing harder just makes the tangle worse… and no wonder it can even feel like we've lost part of our brains! When that's going on, the first thing to try is sensing…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 11 2008 #178
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I say I'm feeling sad without really having a sense of my body" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A reader writes: "I have found that many times I quickly put a word to it… say that I'm feeling sad, for example, without really having an acute sense of what's going on in my body that tells me that I'm feeling sad. For me, while the 'instant wordage' works well sometimes, there are other times when there isn't a word… and there I get a bit stymied… and I find myself wondering if there's a way to bypass the 'word' part (and thus help to…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 4 2008 • Getting Unblocked #10
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat If Other People Are Blocked Too? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sometimes what's blocked is not just your own life, but a whole situation, involving other people and what seem to be circumstances beyond your control. What then? In the paradigm that's dominant in our culture, an inner contemplative process like Focusing only changes one's self… and perhaps other people indirectly, as a result of our behaving differently after Focusing. But in the world view that underlies Focusing, the Philosophy of the Implicit, we are not fundamentally separate beings who only affect each other through behavior. We are inherently in relation. "Relationship first,"…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 28 2008 #177
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I'm a bad person … I'm stupid … I'm evil." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A reader asks: "Often a memory of a past experience comes up. It briefly hovers in my awareness without judgment placed upon it. Next, an invisible critic-like something swoops in, very fast, evaluates the experience, and I find myself swept into a position where I feel guilt and shame. I find myself silently muttering: 'I'm a bad person. How could I have done such a horrible thing? I'm stupid. I'm evil.' It's as though an unpleasant physical action, like a blow, has coursed through me. In its path remain…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 21 2008 • Getting Unblocked #9
- by Ann Weiser CornellVisualizing the Desired Outcome: How Does it Help?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the last Getting Unblocked E-zine I wrote about how positive visualization can help with the Getting Unblocked process. I said: Visualizing the desired outcome can help to evoke two parts of us that will need to be given company and listening on the way to a shift: the part that longs for that outcome, and the other one… often called "the part that doesn't want to." Let's talk more about that second one, the Part the Doesn't Want To–also known as the "blocking part." If we blame it or try to…
Ann Weiser Cornell