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January 8 2008 #144
- by Ann Weiser CornellLast week we talked about being gentle with yourself. Focusing works best when you don’t identify with a worrying or a pushing part of you, but just listen. But does gentleness mean indulgence? That brings us to this week’s question… Can I Say ‘No’ to My Parts? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jodi writes: "When focusing recently, I was having a conversation with a part of me that wanted to do something that I cannot allow to happen, as it is not an ethical thing to do. So I told this part, "I hear you, but the answer is no." That part of me…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 1 2008 #143
- by Ann Weiser CornellAre You Being Gentle with Yourself? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Year’s is traditionally the time to make New Year’s resolutions. It’s great to set your intentions and sense what directions you’d like to go in the new year. But too often this is a time of self-criticism and even self-disgust. "I resolve to fix all the things that are wrong with me" is how the New Year’s resolutions often sound. If that sounds anything like you, I invite you to consider being gentle with yourself. And most of all, be gentle with that poor character inside of you who thinks you have…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 18 2007 #142
- by Ann Weiser CornellHolding All of Me, Including that Part of Me… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In response to last week’s tip I heard from Diana Daffner, a Focusing person who knows A LOT about healing and growth with an intimate partners… because she and her husband Richard teach fabulous intimacy workshops and test their methods on themselves! Diana writes: "I’d like to share with you – and others, if you feel it’s appropriate – how I sometimes involve my husband, Richard, in briefly being my Focusing Companion although he has no training or even real experience in Focusing. And isn’t really interested in it that…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 11 2007 #141
- by Ann Weiser CornellFocusing with Intimate Partners ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bridget writes: Can you give any tips to Focusing with intimate partners? Here are some issues: 1. Do you keep the same Focusing space and confidentiality–ie pledge not to bring up the issues explored in Focusing at other times? 2. How do you focus about something that might be troubling you about your relationship? Dear Bridget, Good for you and good for your intimate partner for wanting to Focus together! Focusing partnership embodies both intimacy and giving space, so it’s a wonderful format for intimate partners to be connected at a deep level and support…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 4 2007 #140
- by Ann Weiser CornellFocusing and Panic Attacks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ian writes: "I wanted to ask if you had any thoughts about using Focusing for helping with suffering from panic attacks. I have a friend who’s just confided in me that he suffers from them, and I don’t know whether or not to recommend Focusing – I don’t want him to feel that it’ll make him even more acutely aware of his panicky feelings." Dear Ian, It’s true that one of the biggest things people fear, when they’re panicking, is the panic itself. I’ve been told that it’s as if the "adrenalin pedal" gets stuck,…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 27 2007 #139
- by Ann Weiser CornellBefore I get to this week’s Tip I want to share an email I received from Buddy, who suddenly had a very good reason to try the tips I’ve been offering on Focusing with pain. Here are his own words: "Last Monday I was working in wood shop, using the 10 inch table saw, I made a mistake and put my thumb through the saw. I cut off about 1/2 inch of the tip of my thumb. One of the fellows in the wood shop took me to the Emergency Room. The nurse took my name and told me to…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 20 2007 #138
- by Ann Weiser CornellProtecting the Focusing Space ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Selene writes: "What do you do when your Focusing partner goes second and is explicitly Focusing on his/her feelings about the material you just shared in your session?" Dear Selene, Ideally, as you know, in Focusing partnership we follow guidelines not to discuss the content of the Focusing session. I do understand that you are asking about what to do when the ideal breaks down and your Focusing partner violates the agreement. We must assume this person is not consciously trying to break an agreement! After all, you trusted them enough to try a Focusing…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 13 2007 #137
- by Ann Weiser CornellScary Part or Scared Part? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arno writes: I am writing you about a passage in your article "Relationship=distance+connection". Client: "There’s a well of grief in my stomach. It’s very intense." Therapist: "You’re aware of an intense well of grief in your stomach." Client: "It’s scary." Therapist: "See if it would be OK to acknowledge the part of you that’s scared and just be with that feeling." "The strange thing here is that whereas the client experiences a feeling that scares her, the therapists asks her to acknowledge the part that is scared. Is this on purpose? Is it a…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 6 2007 #136
- by Ann Weiser CornellRemember our recent Tip on intense pain? I just have to share with you something that Barbro Holström of Sweden wrote to me afterward. "Last week my husband had what the doctor called trigeminusneuralgia (I think it is the same word in English). A really severe pain in the face, not even morphine helped. After a couple of days with this really hard pain he focused on the pain (I have nothing to lose, he said), and when he accepted and stayed with the pain it started to disappear!! And did not come back. What came instead was pain in…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 30 2007 #135
- by Ann Weiser CornellPresence with Tough Places Focusing Alone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ruth writes: "It’s clear to me that what is coming up during many of my Focusing sessions relates to emotional trauma. Often I get the sense of being in a space of amnesia. It’s like everything slows down, and while I feel I’m still relating to what I’m feeling from Presence, it’s like I forget even the basics of Focusing. I have to say to myself, so what do I do now? ……………. Oh, yes ………. I could describe what this feels like … Often when I stay here for some time, very…
Ann Weiser Cornell