Living a Focusing Life – Ann’s Blog

Last week in our Weekly Tips I published a question from Jan, who wanted to know how to offer Focusing to his teenage daughter, to help with the sometimes overwhelming emotions of her adolescence. I responded by saying that we need to be cautious of the impulse to help our children, perhaps instead Focusing on our own feelings of how hard it is to watch them go through this rollercoaster time. To just listen, and not offer Focusing until THEY ask.A number of you responded!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Thanks for listening!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chris Honde, a Focusing teacher in Chicago, gave me permission to print her response:I…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How Can I Give My Daughter Some Focusing Insights?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jan writes: "Thank you for the invitation to ask questions, here is one I’m sitting with as a parent. Observing my daughter grow up into adolescence I see she becomes so easily identified with new and large feelings and sensations. Ireally wish I could provide my daughter with some of the Focusing insights, but am not clear how to introduce this, wishing to avoid the intellectual and abstract concepts we can talk about as adults. Do you have any tips on introducing Focusing to younger people?"Dear JanFirst let me pass on to…

Is the Critic Really Positive? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rick writes: “Why is it that we are assured that the Critic is always positive, once we go deeply enough? If we are remembering actual words from a parent, there isn’t anything to assures us that parent really did want the best for us, no matter how deeply we probe or how we frame it. So where does the ‘switch’ happen?” Dear Rick Thanks for giving me a chance to clarify. It isn’t that whatever the Critic is SAYS is positive. Of course the Critic (or as I would prefer to call it “an…

Charles asks: “How can Focusing be used to address issues of health–e.g., the choices we make around eating, (selection of food, the buying and preparation of food, the way we eat) exercising, managing stress?” Dear Charles, What a big issue this is, food and exercise choices! You’d think that simply sensing in the body “Is this what I’m hungry for right now?” would be sufficient for all our food choices, and likewise for exercise: “Would a good long hike feel good to my body right now?” And certainly, just doing that much would be a great improvement over the way…

The Journey Towards Peace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Charles writes: “How can Focusing be used in the workplace to foster creative changes–and more broadly what are the implications of Focusing for social change (changes in the structure and functioning of organizations–how we cooperate to meet needs peacefully in our planet).” Dear Charles, Your question is dear to my heart, and it contains an assumption that I share with you: that we on this little planet could meet all our needs peacefully if we would cooperate to do so. 2007 is going to be a special year for me because I’ll fulfill a long-held…

“Why are you still in this quandary?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heidi writes: “What if there is a stuck place that can’t make a decision one way or another, and there is very much a bias toward one of those, and so it’s hard to be grounded in Presence in order to listen to both ‘sides’. In addition to the biased part, I’ve identified a very angry and rageful part that says, ‘Why the F are you still in this quandary? What is wrong with you?’ Is it possible to simply acknowledge and say hello to all these layers of parts resting over…

“I was thinking that by Focusing I was being selfish” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last week I wrote about how Focusing can support productive action, rather than being just “navel-gazing,” the opposite of action. I heard from several of you in response, and of course this leads to new questions, one of which I’ll address this week. Patricia wrote: “Thanks so much for this wonderful tip. It comes to my life exactly at a moment in which I was feeling down thinking that by Focusing I was being selfish – having discovered for some time now things in myself that I didn’t know,…

“I always came to that same place of fear” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman in Iowa writes: “When I first learned Focusing over 15 years ago, it was exciting, life-changing, alive with discovery… but I hit a point of always contacting fear, and while I have learned to be comfortable experiencing fear, the process became stale and repetitious. I always came to that same place and lost the thrill of discovery. Also, the internal seems to have moved to the external and I am less fascinated with contemplating my navel, i.e. my inner experience, and more interested in being of real service.…

“Is There an End to This?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Debbie writes: “I have been doing a great deal of focusing and tapping huge wells of sadness and grief. Does it ever end? I seem to grieve the same thing over and over and over. The end of my marriage and seeing how it ties to my relationship with my parents. I have also noticed that I have a persistent drainage and stuffed up nose. Not really a cold, but perhaps an emotional detox? I also have noticed that no matter how much deodorant or perfume I use, my underarms smell. Both have…

Good Boundaries and Your Focusing Partnership ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As far as I can tell, one of the two commonest reasons for a Focusing partnership to fail is when it feels unsafe for at least one of the partners. And the commonest reason for THAT to happen is not what happens in the Focusing session itself, but in the talking before and especially after the session. The safest agreement is to NOT TALK ABOUT the content or topic of the session, not refer to it, not chat about it, either that same day or whenever your next session is. Why not? Because…