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March 27 2007 – #104
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How can Focusing be used to transform our relationships?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Charles asks, "How can Focusing be used totransform our relationships–making themcloser, more intimate, creative,satisfactory?"Dear CharlesThere’s so much to say about relationships,isn’t there? I love your list: "Closer, moreintimate, creative, satisfactory." Sure, Iwant that in my relationships. And I can see,looking back, that I’ve experienced that,more and more, over the 35 years I’ve doneFocusing.So I ask myself, what has made thedifference, what has contributed to thatchange? And I would have to say: love formyself, comfort with who I am, the feeling ofbeing on my own path, and knowing what I feeland what I…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 20 2007 – #103
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Using Focusing with Bodywork Clients~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kate writes: "I’m a bodyworker (massage andreflexology) and would be interested to hearyour suggestions of using Focusing techniqueswith my clients while I am working with them."Dear Kate,Like all applications of Focusing to workingwith clients, the first move is towardyourself. In silence, as you are preparing toput your hands on your client, you arebringing awareness to your own body,attending to your own groundedness (eg feelingyour feet), and acknowledging any of your ownfeelings.Although my own work with clients is withvoice, not with touch, I follow this samepractice as I prepare for a session, and alsoduring the session. Notice…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 13 2007 – #102
- by Ann Weiser CornellUsing Focusing with Depression Fran writes: "I would like you to write about how to use Focusing with depression. I amgoing through another bout and on my way to the doctor and antidepressants. I say hellooften to the feelings that come up, the parts of me that have a sense of heaviness,hopelessness, sadness, grief and the part of me that feels such compassion for all thesefeelings. And the tears well when I allow all of this in my awareness." Dear Fran,It sounds like this is a tough time you’re going through, and I know you wouldn’t beconsidering antidepressants unless you…
Ann Weiser CornellMarch 6 2007 – #101
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"A pervasive and general unease"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Colin writes: "We’re all familiar with themore obvious recruits for Focusing – those invariably waiting for us each time we turninside – but not so much about the less accessible background feelings, itseems to me (a pervasive and general unease, in my case) that seem to waitinvisibly in the wings of everything else, affecting how it is felt andthought about. Is there a known approach forteasing this feeling out more into the open?"Dear Colin,You’re right, not everything that needs someFocusing will march up to our door and knockon it. Other aspects of our selves seem tolurk…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 27 2007 – #100
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"It seemed like the first thing they needed was to find Presence."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christina writes: "When I was doing aFocusing presentation for a Breast Cancergroup, it seemed like the veryfirst thing they needed was to find Presencewithin them as a reference point foreverything else. Is it appropriate to get that bodily feltsense of Presence going earlier in regularFocusing? It feels that way sometimes when I am guiding an individualsession."Dear Christina,If it feels that way, you’re probably right.Let’s do a brief review of the concept ofPresence and how it relates to Focusing.Barbara McGavin and I first developed theconcept of Presence for our application…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 20 2007 – #99
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How Do You Present Focusing to a Client…?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Laura writes: "How do you present Focusing toa client in a therapeutic setting withoutintellectualizing or describing the processtoo much, and yet smoothly transitioning intoit…"Dear LauraAs you know, the Focusing process fits wellwith any type of therapy. Whether they knowit or not, all therapists hope their clientsare doing a kind of Focusing. In other words,all therapists hope their clients areself-aware in such a way that what happens intherapy has an inner impact. Insight alone isnever enough. Even Freud knew that!Today, more and more therapy modalities areexplicitly including the body and theemotions as key components…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 13 2007 – #98
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How Do I Start with Nothing There?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gisela writes: "When I WANT to focus, because I haveset a date with someone for Focusing, or when Ifocus alone by myself because it is a good thing todo, I often feel I do not know what needs myattention — nothing comes. "When I have something like a felt sense already,this is another matter. Then, I know what needs myattention, and I go further into it."But when nothing comes at first, and then somethingenters my MIND, and a felt sense forms from THAT, Isometimes have the feeling this is not really it, isnot really…
Ann Weiser CornellFebruary 6 2007 – #97
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How Can I Focus Alone?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Heather says that one of her "burning questions" about Focusing is how to do it alone.Focusing alone has always been harder for me that Focusing with a partner, and most people (not all!) seem to have a similar experience. However, we can turn that around into a positive by saying, if you can Focus successfully with another person, you can draw on that experience to Focus alone more successfully too.There are three main benefits to having a Focusing partner:* the quality of containment* the quality of warmth and acceptance* the quality of staying on track, or…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 30 2007 – #96
- by Ann Weiser CornellLast week in our Weekly Tips I published a question from Jan, who wanted to know how to offer Focusing to his teenage daughter, to help with the sometimes overwhelming emotions of her adolescence. I responded by saying that we need to be cautious of the impulse to help our children, perhaps instead Focusing on our own feelings of how hard it is to watch them go through this rollercoaster time. To just listen, and not offer Focusing until THEY ask.A number of you responded!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Thanks for listening!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chris Honde, a Focusing teacher in Chicago, gave me permission to print her response:I…
Ann Weiser CornellJanuary 23 2007 – #95
- by Ann Weiser Cornell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"How Can I Give My Daughter Some Focusing Insights?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jan writes: "Thank you for the invitation to ask questions, here is one I’m sitting with as a parent. Observing my daughter grow up into adolescence I see she becomes so easily identified with new and large feelings and sensations. Ireally wish I could provide my daughter with some of the Focusing insights, but am not clear how to introduce this, wishing to avoid the intellectual and abstract concepts we can talk about as adults. Do you have any tips on introducing Focusing to younger people?"Dear JanFirst let me pass on to…
Ann Weiser Cornell