I couldn’t concentrate.

I was supposed to be writing an article, and the deadline was looming… but all I could do was replay the conversation I’d had with my sister the weekend before.

“How could she say that? How could she even think that about me? It’s so unfair!”

I stared at the screen but I couldn’t pull my thoughts together to write. All my triggered emotions from my life history with my sister were roiling around inside me.

“She’s never understood me. She doesn’t know who I am. And she doesn’t even care!”

Again and again, I tried to put my emotions and tangled thoughts aside, but it just didn’t work. Finally I was able to get the article finished. But it took ten times longer than it should have. If only I’d known then what I know now!

Does this kind of thing ever happen to you? Do your thoughts and feelings get so hijacked that you can’t concentrate on what you need to do?

Among other things, getting emotionally triggered takes up a lot of time!

Let me share with you what I’ve learned about getting triggered… and what I wish I’d known back then.

Three steps for taking back your time

ONE. Step back from those circular thoughts by acknowledging them.

“Something in me is saying that it’s so unfair.”

TWO. Connect with your body in the here and now. Feel your seat on the chair. Breathe.

(When you get triggered, you get transported to the past. But you are here now.)

THREE. Put a hand on your heart and say something compassionate to yourself. “Yes, I hear you,” is my favorite thing to say.

With these three steps, I predict you’ll feel your breathing and heart rate slow down, and your thoughts getting clear. Your time is yours again!

Of course, acknowledging what’s got you triggered and coming into the here and now in your body is just the first step.

There’s more to learn… If what you want is to permanently shift how readily you get caught in stressful emotional states that keep you from being effective and happy, Your Path to Lasting Change is the next step. It’s a live, interactive training program that helps you become the calmest version of you so you can make better decisions, have better relationships, and be more empowered and effective in your life. Join me and learn how…

Have you ever tried to have an important conversation when you’re really upset?

The words don’t come out right and you can tell the other person just doesn’t get it… which makes you even more upset. It feels like you’re making everything worse — and you probably are!

Imagine if you had a chance first to get calm and clear. The conversation goes so much better. You express yourself well… and you genuinely hear the other person’s side of things… which, frankly, makes them more likely to listen to you! Wouldn’t that be great?

Calm matters. When you’re not triggered, when you’re not taken over by stressful feelings, everything in life goes better, doesn’t it?

Remember the last time you made a “dumb” mistake that you had to apologize for? Did that happen on a day when you were calm?

Calm, clear, alert, and present: That’s the ideal state for communicating well and getting things done. Plus, it feels good!

And what I love is that there is a way to get to calm from wherever you are. Let me give you a little exercise to show you what I mean.

Finding Calm from Wherever You Are

ONE. Find your seat. Wiggle your toes and find your feet. Breathe. You are here and now.

TWO. Let a gentle hand move to your heart, and say, “I am here.”

THREE. Notice how you are feeling. Upset? Scared? Irritated? Whatever it is, say the words, “I am sensing something in me feels _____________” and fill in the blank with the feeling. Like: “I am sensing something in me feels upset.”

FOUR. Say, “Hello, I am here with you” to the something in you that feels that way… and notice if you feel just a bit calmer now. (I bet you do.)

These steps bring some relief, yet they’re just the beginning of what’s possible with a much larger process called Focusing. In my live, online training program Your Path to Lasting Change, you’ll go even further.

You’ll learn:

• What to do when feelings are so strong they seem overwhelming or so far away you can barely make contact with what you feel
• Why there are often two or more conflicting feelings (like I want to eat the cookies and I feel bad about eating the cookies) and how to navigate this while staying in your calm, clear center
• How to consistently pause and check-in with yourself before you communicate with others so you no longer can avoid the one-two punch of being triggered and saying or doing something you regret later

Your Path to Lasting Change teaches you the entire Focusing process so you can make better decisions, have better relationships, and be more empowered and effective in your life. Join me and thousands of students who’ve been creating calmer, more resilient lives for decades…