Focusing Tip #467
“I have difficulty finding the purpose of Focusing if no link is made with my reality.”
A Reader writes:
I learned Focusing a few years ago and I practice it quite regularly with people who have more experience than me. I have told these people that I do not see what good Focusing is doing for me and was answered that I am probably expecting something from my Focusing sessions and I should instead let everything be as it is. Furthermore, some people say that by bringing in the relevance of Focusing to my current life issues, I am bringing myself into my mind instead of staying with feelings.
I am having difficulty finding the purpose of Focusing if no link is made with my reality. And I am wondering how making links between what my inner parts are showing me and my reality, at the end of a Focusing session, would prevent me from being in my feelings.
Dear Reader:
I was quite shocked to receive your question. I usually support every different kind of Focusing teaching…but one in which people are told they should not ask the Focusing to be relevant to their lives! That shocks me.
First of all, it doesn’t sit right with me that someone else is telling you how your Focusing should be. Your Focusing process belongs to you!
Second, the whole point of Focusing is that it has to do with your life! Gendlin says that a felt sense is an unclear body sense OF a situation in your life. That’s how Focusing is defined. It might be unclear what it has to do with, but you’re always free to be curious, at any point in a session, what it has to do with your life.
When I teach Focusing, at the start of every session people ask themselves, “Which way today? Do I want to start with a life issue? Do I want to start by sensing what’s here in my body?”
If we choose to start with a life issue, then we sense what comes in the body about that. If we choose to start by sensing the body, then at some point we can ask (if it’s not already known), “What in my life brings this or connects with this?” And then all through the session, including at the end, it is always a possibility to ask, “What does this [what is coming] have to show me about my life?”
Focusing should be relevant to your life. You can already tell that there is something wrong, if it isn’t. Focusing works better if we are open to being surprised about how it’s relevant…but it always is.