This Week’s Tip is From Afghanistan
One of my most thrilling experiences of the Focusing International Conference in the Netherlands was hearing Pat Omidian, Nina Joy Lawrence, and Jerry Conway talk about their work teaching Focusing in Afghanistan.
Over 15,000 people — that’s right, fifteen thousand! — have had at least some introduction to Focusing. And over 2500 people have had a Path to Lasting Change, Part One weekend! As you might imagine, Afghanistan is full of people who’ve survived trauma and loss. Without something like Focusing, such stresses can contribute to domestic violence, suicide, and more loss.
Here are two stories from the workshop in Ghazni, a two hour drive on a good road south of Kabul:
One of the participant women said, “When my son comes home from his work, his children come in and sit on my son’s lap. I beat them and say, ‘My son is very tired. You go outside.’ Now I am very changed. I don’t say to them to go outside. Now I know I have my son and my son has children that he loves like I love my son. They are my grandchildren.”
A woman said, “I have 3 daughters-in-law in my house. Any time when they didn’t work I would beat them and I would also beat their children. Now I’m changed. When I came to the workshop and found it very good, I brought all 3 of my daughters-in-law. It is very good and very important for us.” When she was telling this story the daughters-in-law were right there and very happy and laughing. They said she was very very changed.
Read more about the work in Afghanistan at https://www.focusing.org/afghan.asp
Simply Listening Changes Lives
On day one of Path to Lasting Change, Part One, the first exercise is “Finding a Safe Place Inside Yourself.” Participants are guided to think of a place — perhaps one they remember — that is safe, beautiful, and calm. Then they are guided to feel themselves in this place and bring the place and the feeling into their bodies. With people who are traumatized, it seems that a safe place like this makes the rest of Focusing possible.
There is much more, which I won’t tell you right now because the Weekly Tips are supposed to be short!
Here’s the tip: At the end of the first day, their homework is to go home and find a time in the evening to just listen to someone, listen without talking for 10 minutes. And don’t say that that’s what you’re doing!
Can you imagine doing that? Simple — but not easy! These people come back the next day full of amazing stories: their children calmed down, their family relaxed, they themselves felt better…
If we’re always reacting, we’re always at war — outside and within as well. To simply listen is balm on the soul. Let’s all try it this week. Listening — as Pat and Nina say — “without judgment, without taking sides, without having goals.” That’s the weekly tip this time.