The Tears are Too Close
Recently I heard from someone who didn’t want to do Focusing because she felt too close to a vulnerable side of her, too close to tears. She was afraid that if she sat down to do Focusing, the vulnerable part of her would “flood” her.
There are parts of us that can flood us. This is like saying that — at those times, in relation to those situations — our sense of Self in Presence isn’t strong enough to be a steady container for those feelings.
So what’s needed is to cultivate and strengthen Presence. And that could actually include not doing Focusing for a while! What do you do that brings you back to yourself? Maybe gardening, or taking a walk in a beautiful place, or playing a musical instrument, or…
We’re in Presence when we feel more whole, more like our larger Self. Sometimes non-Focusing activities can lend us the enjoyable feelings of aliveness that we need to give a good foundation to our Focusing.
I Am What My Parts Need Me to Be
Then when we sit down to do Focusing, we can remember those times of inner wholeness and fulfillment. We can remember what it feels like to walk in a beautiful peaceful place. This becomes part of what we bring to our more difficult and painful experiences.
As you begin your Focusing session, let your body rest into what you’re sitting on. Feel your legs and your seat resting into the chair. I’m betting you’ll find that that feels pretty good.
Remember, you in Presence are large and spacious. If “you” feel small, that is another part of you that needs a gentle hello.
Your flooding feelings don’t really want to flood you. They would really rather you stayed in Presence so that it’s more likely they would get what they need! So acknowledge them, and acknowledge how intense they are. Maybe they’ve been waiting a long time to get your attention. No wonder they’re so intense if that’s how long they’ve been waiting.
And then there’s no need to go anywhere. It’s wonderful to just take time to be in contact with what’s here, to sense what it’s like, to build a relationship. Just that much will probably change the whole way this all feels.