Radical Acceptance of How Much I Weigh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connie writes: “Has Focusing been found to be useful by people who want to lose weight? If they open to the parts of themselves that judge them to be inadequate as they are, does it lead to acceptance of their weight? Or to weight loss?”
Dear Connie: Yes, Focusing has been useful to people struggling with issues of weight. I am one of them!
So as you say, we can start by turning toward the part of us that is judgmental of our weight. Like all judging, critical parts, this one is worried and even afraid. From Presence, we can listen to what it is worried about without reacting one way or another. This part needs a chance to tell us its fears, that may have to do with how others see us, our health, our chance at future love and romance, etc.
It’s important to gently invite it to let us know what it fears will happen IF some of these negatives happen. The “treasure” comes from going deeper, beyond the solutions this part has decided on, down to the real fears and desires that are driving it.
Next we can turn to the part of us that eats more than the judging part wants it to. We can say hello to it, under a flag of truce: since we are in Presence, we can guarantee that if this part will come into awareness, it will not get jumped on and trashed by the judging part.
(That’s why we listened to the judging part first!)
Hello to the part that wants to eat when I’m sad, that wants to eat when I’m tired and stressed, that wants SOME comfort in this tiring world. I’m connecting with it and letting it know I’m with it, I’m just here to listen. Maybe when it feels safe it will want to tell me about the pain underneath, the places that life feels hard, and the feelings it doesn’t want me to have to face alone. I will listen, without argument, just listen.
And the result of all this? Do we accept ourselves as we are, or do we lose weight? Who can say? In order to do the listening, we have let go of an emphasis on the outcome. (A part of us that is concerned with outcome has been another part we have listened to.) In my experience, both happen. I accept myself as I am AND I have ways to be with my feelings of stress and sadness that are more satisfying to my whole being.
And, it’s a process.