“I always came to that same place of fear”
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A woman in Iowa writes: “When I first learned Focusing over 15 years ago, it was exciting, life-changing, alive with discovery… but I hit a point of always contacting fear, and while I have learned to be comfortable experiencing fear, the process became stale and repetitious. I always came to that same place and lost the thrill of discovery. Also, the internal seems to have moved to the external and I am less fascinated with contemplating my navel, i.e. my inner experience, and more interested in being of real service. Still, if I could regain that profound openness to my own unknown I think I could be more effective with others.”
Ann responds:
It can happen this way sometimes, I know. That initial rush of excitement from the freshness of Focusing, and then things get slower and harder.
I would interpret it this way (though I could be wrong…):
The very progress and trust of the initial contact with Focusing has allowed a deeper level of process to emerge. This is a good thing… but it’s also harder. There are more intricate and specialized tools that we need at this level. If we don’t have them, Focusing can get stuck here.
It was because of this very thing that Barbara McGavin and I began twelve years ago to develop the body of methods and theory that we call Treasure Maps to the Soul. We found ourselves facing stuckness in some of the biggest and most problematic life areas. We looked at how we needed to apply Focusing so that we could move into flow again.
The biggest insight is that of being in Presence. We need to be able to BE WITH what we encounter inside, and to be with it with NO agenda for it to be other than what it is. And that can be hard.
And we need something to do when Presence is hard, when it doesn’t feel possible to accept what’s here. (Because we can’t make ourselves feel what we don’t feel!) And that is to turn toward the not-accepting, and be with that.
The “being with” that we’re talking about is not mere passive waiting, but has a quality of sensing-tasting, trusting that there is SOMETHING new in this fresh, here-and-now feeling. When we assume it’s the SAME feeling we felt yesterday or the day before, then we can’t have it in the here and now, as a felt sense. The felt sense is always now.
It ISN’T the same, it’s never exactly the same… and if it feels as if it is, sense for the subtleties. Sense not what it IS, but what it feels LIKE. That’s where the change will come from.
“I am more interested in being of real service.”
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This points to a question that has been with me from the very beginning of my involvement with Focusing in the socially conscious 70s. I would put it this way: Is Focusing a kind of self-absorbtion that takes us away from social and political involvement? Does the contemplative nature of Focusing go in the opposite direction from productive action in our own lives?
It seems to me that each person has to feel into the answer to this question, and that there could be a kind of rhythm in each life, from the inward sensing to the outward acting, and back again.
But for me it is clear: Focusing is NOT the opposite direction from productive action. It is Focusing that has allowed me to take action, to resolve blocks to action, so that my life today has much more movement and action than it did even 20 years ago.
And for me, Focusing on my own feelings is not the opposite of socially conscious action… and this ties into Eugene Gendlin’s philosophy, which teaches me that “inner” and “outer” are not fundamental distinctions in experiencing. When I go “in” to myself, I find my relationships and connections with others and ultimately with the whole planet. So by going “in,” I am also going “out.”
And yes I feel I CAN be more effective helping and supporting others because I can be in Presence with myself.