"I had a shutdown."
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Our reader Barbara S. wrote in response to Ezine #4, where we wrote about times when everything is too much. Here's what she had to say:
"A month or so ago I had a shutdown and it took several unsuccessful focusing attempts by myself to discover just what wanted me to look and listen. With a focusing partner it worked. I was really surprised at finding a long-resolved broken relationship needing attention again. I hate to cry, but did it anyway, and discovered something valuable. Where early focusings were about acceptance of life as it was, forgiving myself and my ex-husband, and nuclear family issues, this time the tears started when I remembered going to the Vietnam Memorial in Washington 15 years ago. We were married during that war, and were united in helping individuals whose lives were threatened by it.
"This time I grieved for that whole era of love, war, the loss of youthful fertility, and how it weighs on so many of my friends. Today I'm free to learn about the impact of war on all peoples, without running away from the issues for fear of the terrible feelings. I'm also free to get going on organizing my paper tangles. And living well. Amazing."
When a Long-Resolved Issue Comes Up Again
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I'm proud of Barbara for her Focusing process, first because she stayed with it, even when it was unsuccessful at first, and even though something in her hates to cry. And second because she kept going even when something came up that was "long-resolved."
It would have been easy to stop at that point, feeling discouraged because something she thought was resolved was coming up, or doubtful because "that couldn't be it." But she kept going, and found that on the other side of what was familiar was something new, a place she hadn't gone before: a different grief that needed to be grieved.
And now she has two great outcomes: she's no longer avoiding certain issues for fear of the feelings that may come. And she's organizing her papers!
Yes, unresolved grief could be the reason you are blocked. I call it The Pattern of Unfinished Business. The key is to invite what comes up when you feel the reluctance to move ahead, to invite "something that doesn't want to do it" to come into awareness. Then trust that, even if what comes first is familiar, it's probably the road to a place in you that needs your attention.