When the Wanting Part Has a Not-Wanting
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Anna asks: "What has been coming up for me is a part that is wanting and a part that is not wanting something – that's clear and familiar – but what about the part that is wanting having a 'not wanting' WITHIN it? And also, though less often, a part that is not-wanting having a 'wanting' WITHIN it?
"What's going on here? Any suggestions?"
Dear Anna,
You're encountering a classic situation in action blocks. Yes, there is not-wanting within wanting!
Let's take an example. Let's say you want to get back to a painting project and get it finished.
And you're not doing it. So this is an action block.
As you know, my first suggestion is to say it this way: "Something in me wants to finish the painting project, and something in me doesn't want to do it."
Most people are aware of a positive shift from this change in language alone–more space, more acceptance, more curiosity. We become curious both about the part that wants to and about the part that doesn't want to. Each one gets a turn to be heard, in a Focusing way.
Hearing What It is Not Wanting to Have Happen to You
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The part of you that wants something, that wants you to do something, also has a not-wanting. Always! Here's how that might sound in our example:
"I'm sensing the part of me that wants me to finish the painting project. I'm feeling it like a pressure around my eyes. I'm acknowledging it… and I'm asking it what it doesn't want to have happen to me.
"Ah… it doesn't want me to keep on feeling bad every time I walk past that part of the garage. It doesn't want me to have that sense of stagnancy. It doesn't want me to feel weighed down by that unfinished stuff.
"What it wants for me… it wants me to have a wide-open feeling of fresh energy. Like a clean slate. I'm feeling that in my body right now…"
This is just one-half the process–the part that doesn't want to do the painting project will also get a turn. And it too will have both not-wanting and wanting.
When both are heard from Presence it allows a shift in how the whole problem is held that brings in new possibilities that couldn't even be imagined before. Yum!