Michelle suffers agonies of anxiety when she has to speak to an audience or perform.
What can help? Read on!
"Whenever I have to speak before an audience I feel anxious for days"
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Michelle writes: "Whenever I have to speak before an audience, I feel anxious for days before the event. I wake up in the night and sense something in me is worrying. I also sense another part which is saying, 'Why do you do this to yourself? You know that this happens every time and yet there you are doing it anyway.'
"When I do Focusing with this, I sense there is a part of me that is wanting and loving to perform and another part that is hiding in a hole rolled up in a ball, not wanting to have anything to do with it. I have acknowledged both these parts.
"Several months ago and just lately, I had to speak in front of an audience and I was able to stay in Presence. It felt like such a victory, bliss. But yesterday I was singing in front of a group. I sensed that part of me was very nervous but for a while, I could stay in Presence. I said hello to the part that wanted to sing because it really enjoys it. And to the part that was not wanting to go up in front of all those people that I knew. When it came time to go on stage, the anxious part took over, it felt like all of me was hijacked! Not even a warning sign. The anxiety lasted for the whole performance and after I got off the stage, I felt physically ill.
"I'm wondering what I didn't do, what I missed. There is a part there that wants the performance anxiety to go away. And another part that says 'just stop putting yourself in the situation where you have to perform, then you won't have to go through that.' I sense that this part wants to protect me so I won't have to feel like that anymore but that 'show girl' also wants to perform."
Dear Michelle,
How disappointing that you had a setback! After a lot of Focusing, you were able to have one wonderful experience of speaking in front of an audience and staying in Presence. Of course you were hoping that the problem was solved! But the anxiety was back the next time you needed to perform.
I'm going to say a couple of things you might do differently next time. But first, let's celebrate. You did it once! And it felt like bliss!
Now that you've had that experience even once, you always have the felt memory of that to draw on as a resource.
What do I mean by "felt memory"? That's when you invite the body sense of what that was like to come now. Right now, as you're reading this… remember standing there and being in Presence even though a part of you was nervous. Let your body show you now the feeling of that bliss, how "victory" feels all through your body. And take time to really have and enjoy that.
This is the feeling that will get stronger and stronger, and come back more and more often… especially if you invite it to.
Being Self-in-Presence changes everything… over time
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You're very right that acknowledging or saying hello to the different parts of you when you're in the stressful situation is important. But it's not enough!
It's in your deep Focusing process, when you have the time and you're working with a trusted partner or guide, that you can really bring a shift to this whole situation.
During that process, it's important to BE Self-in-Presence, the strong, calm, compassionate you that can create a place of inner safety for the part of you that is curled up into a ball and wanting to hide.
Do you know how giving to another can help us feel generous? How caring for another can help us feel loving? As you make a protected space inside of you for a part that is anxious and panicked, YOU are growing into the strong one, the one who is compassionate and capable of caring.
And I have a feeling, Michelle, that it's YOU that wants to be able to sing, not just a part of you.
But when you are Self-in-Presence, you can want to be able to sing with infinite patience for the part of you that doesn't want to… with all the time in the world for it to let you know what the trouble is, what it's afraid will happen.
I suspect it will show you some times in the past when bad things happened. Those are the experiences it's trying to protect you from, trying to keep from happening to you again. YOU as Self-in-Presence will be letting it know you see those experiences and you really hear that's what it doesn't want to have happen to you ever again. And then check how it's doing, now that you heard it. Allow your body to get a sense of the whole situation again. In that process there is the potential for real change–that you already got a taste of.