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I've heard that question countless times… most often from myself!
It
comes as a cry of frustration: "My life isn't right! Things have to be
different! I know I'm the problem. I'm in my own way. How can I get
myself to change?"
What we don't realize is that the very way we
are speaking about the problem is in the way of solving it. Our
language and our concepts are tangling up our actions. No wonder
nothing changes!
Saying "How can I get myself to change?" is like trying to move a rug while standing on it!
Untangling™ the language – finding the true "I"
In
the sentence "How can I get myself to change?" there are two "I's". How
can *I* get *MYSELF* to change. "I" am trying to operate on "myself."
There's a separation. The part of me responsible for action has become
separated from the part of me that sees the problem and is frustrated
about it.
Which one is the real "I"? Neither. Let's reserve the
term "I" for the larger Self-in-Presence who can spaciously hold a
space for both the others. Then our tangled problem would sound like
this:
"I'm sensing something in me that's feeling frustrated and
yearning for change. It sees another part of me as the problem, and is
trying to get it to change."
Doesn't that already feel quite different?
Saying
it that way, I find a new emotion welling up in me–curiosity. From
untangling my language, I've started to become genuinely curious about
these parts of me, the one that is frustrated and the one that doesn't
seem to want change. (Or does it? That's one thing I'm curious about!)
I'm
no longer trying to get myself to change. Instead I'm standing in a
relationship of compassionate curiosity toward these two parts of me.
As I slow down and sense into this whole thing, one side is going to
let me know more about what feels so urgent about change. That will
help me feel the fresh, life-forward wanting in my body. The other side will show me something about what's in the way, what it is not-wanting as we move forward. I can't predict what that will be… but I do know that I'll also find out what it is wanting for me… and I'll feel stronger, calmer, and more able to act from my grounded knowing. Yes!