“I recognize a deep resistance to Focusing on this, alone or with a partner.”
Last week Mary wrote (and I responded) about the redness and soreness in her face, getting angry with it, and feeling ashamed and guilty. She also wrote: “I am recognizing a deep resistance to focusing on this issue alone or with a partner.” This week I’d like to respond to that part of her question.
Dear Mary,
It’s a tough situation to be in, to know that something needs the attention and healing that Focusing offers, and yet to be reluctant to bring that issue into your Focusing sessions.
You used the phrase “deep resistance,” which sounds to me like you are already sensing that this comes from a part of you that needs to be acknowledged, itself.
Luckily, there is a way to do Focusing with “resistance” — by honoring the part of you that is “resisting” as a guardian that is watching out for your safety.
(I don’t like the term “resistance.” I prefer to say “something doesn’t want to ____” — to feel that, or to go there. It’s more respectful and more specific.)
“Something in me doesn’t want to go there…”
So you’re sensing that something in you doesn’t want to go there. Let it know you hear it — and assure it that you will not try to push past it.
Pushing past a part like that won’t work anyway! It has the power to make you too sleepy or space-y to do Focusing, so there’s no skipping over it. Respecting it and going as slowly as it needs you to go is the fastest way forward.
You’ll be able to feel it, or sense it, even if not directly in your body. It might be just a sense that it is there somewhere. “Something in me doesn’t want to go in there…” and pause…and there it is. There is some good reason why it doesn’t want you to go in there, but it won’t do to ask directly, usually. Rather, just be curious in its direction.
“It’s something about…” — probably something about what it is worried will happen if you do go in there. Getting overwhelmed, or finding something too shameful. When you sense some of it, then let it know you hear it. Notice if you feel some relief.
When you’ve really heard it all, something will let go, and you’ll be able to do what you couldn’t do before. Partly because it feels heard, but far more importantly because you have proved yourself trustworthy — by being Self-in-Presence so steadfastly.