Can you imagine loving everything about yourself? Does that even seem possible? We can help…
Loving the Unlovable
A 3-week on-demand, video course with Ann Weiser Cornell to Transform Shame and Self-Blame
Do you feel like you’re a flawed, imperfect person, deep down?
Many of us carry a sense of being deeply wrong inside, hoping that others will never find out how flawed we are. I know I did… All through my teenage and young adult years, I felt I was fundamentally not good enough, and therefore I couldn’t be loved or respected by anyone who really knew me.
It takes a lot of energy to hide who you really are.
It’s a Catch-22. If I show my shameful, “ugly,” probably disgusting deepest self, then people will recoil from me and I’ll be alone. But if I don’t show who I am, nobody really knows me, and I’m essentially alone anyway. The hiding takes a lot of energy and just perpetuates the belief that I’ve got something horrible at my core.
Our feelings of shame and self-loathing feel like proof that we’ve got to hide our true selves.
There’s a self-perpetuating cycle that moves from the painful body feelings of self-loathing… to the shame that convinces us we have to hide our true selves from others… to the loneliness of never being seen and appreciated for our true selves. And around the cycle again.
Yes, there is a way out of that cycle…
It starts with turning toward the feelings, without believing what they seem to tell us.
“Shaming” is a process, not a truth.
A part of you does “shaming” so that the so-called unlovable parts of you will stay hidden away. It has nothing to do with whether those parts of you are actually bad, flawed, “ugly” or shameful! Hint: They’re not.
What’s really locked away at your core is a longing for connection and mutuality that got blocked long ago.
Imagine reaching out for a hug and getting slapped instead… or simply ignored. When our natural impulses for connection and mutuality get blocked – even punished – those fundamental needs get locked away under various veneers – from “I don’t need anyone” to “I’m a needy vulnerable mess” to “There’s clearly something wrong with me but I don’t know what.”
You have everything you need to love yourself as you are.
It’s not even hard to do… as long as you start by having compassion for the parts of you that are shaming other vulnerable parts of you in order to save you from some scary fate. When you can step outside that whole dynamic… turn toward both the “Shamer” and the “Shamed” inside… then love and tenderness for yourself naturally awakens.
As you grow stronger in your ability to love yourself, you have more freedom and possibility in your life.
When you do this work, your strong calm Self gets bigger and your energy is freed up because there is no longer a need to hide certain aspects of yourself. The sky’s the limit for creativity, enjoyment, and accomplishment!
Join me in this course where I’ll show you:
- The amazing truth that “shame” is a process that is meant to protect you… and how this means you can stop having to feel crippling shame
- How to step outside the cycle of shame, feeling bad about yourself, and loneliness
- Seven ways you can cultivate your strong, calm Self, the “you” that you can feel good about being
This course could be right for you if:
- You’ve ever felt that parts of yourself, including your body, are bad, wrong, or unlovable
- You feel you have to hide away aspects of yourself for fear others will see what’s wrong with you
- You want to grow in your ability to feel good about yourself, confident, and empowered
About Your Guide
Ann Weiser Cornell, PhD, is the co-developer (with Barbara McGavin) of Inner Relationship Focusing. Ann learned Focusing in 1972 from its developer, Eugene Gendlin, and was his close friend and colleague to the end of his life.
Ann has written several definitive books on Focusing, including The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing, and Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change.
She has taught Inner Relationship Focusing around the world since 1980, and is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology.
“Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Are You Ready to Start Loving What Feels Unlovable in You?
I Can Help Get You There…
Enroll for Your On-Demand Course Here
Loving the Unlovable: Transforming Shame and Self-Blame
3-week on-demand video course
Unlimited, lifetime access
Access to our online forum
Find out more about this course
Get 6 Powerful Guided Exercises
What Are the Labels?
What the Part that Shames Us is Trying to Do for Us
Making Sense of the World
Listening to the Part that Compares Us to Others
The Part of You That’s Hardest to Love
Living from Confidence that Every Part of You is Lovable
Note: This is an on-demand course. Video was recorded during an actual live course and has been edited. Sound quality may vary.
What Happens When You Order
Click the Add to Cart button above and you’ll be taken to your secure order page.
Login to Your Account
Complete your order and set up your free account with Ruzuku, our online course provider.
Begin Your Course
Once you’re in Ruzuku you can access your program and get started.
Be Supported In Your Process!
You won’t be going it alone! You’ll have access to a forum to chat with other students, plus access to Ann for parts where you might feel stuck
Available at Your Convenience!
You can move through this course as quickly or slowly as you like. You’ll also have lifetime access to the material, so you can revisit it anytime
This course includes a beautiful PDF workbook to help you integrate your learning. There will also be checkpoints during the course to check-in on your progress.
“Definition: An inner criticizing part is any part of you that believes that you or another part of you has to change in order for you to be OK.”
– Ann Weiser Cornell, Radical Gentleness
- John Finnegan"Before Loving the Unlovable, my biggest challenge was facing (and dealing with) feelings of shame and guilt. I felt frustrated by that and like I was going in circles. Now, I have a way to deal with issues around shame and guilt and start the process of resolving them. Ann is there for extra support, and she and her staff are truly willing to engage with participants at every step and at any level!"
- Barbara Dickinson"Before the course, I tended to see every negative circumstance as either my fault entirely, or something I made worse. Now, I see that my role in most of these circumstances was either the result of resources, skills, and knowledge I didn't yet have, or the result of someone else behaving in a way no one should have to tolerate. Either way, I can now hold the belief that I am entirely lovable, apart from my actions, which are always well-intentioned and mostly successful. I now know that my mistakes are learning experiences, not signs that I am a failure through and through."
- Sarah T."I have struggled with feeling unlovable and inadequate for as long as I can remember. For decades I lived in a persistent state of panic, trying to prove to everyone that I was enough. I was overly helpful, nice, agreeable and giving -- all at the expense of my true self. It was utterly crazy-making. Loving the Unlovable gave me the language, "something in me" that allows me to honor the panicky child parts inside who were so alone in the past. It also helped me feel heard, validated, and encouraged to continue to listen to and honor the truth stored in my body. It nurtured my deep-seated wish to have the "courage to heal." Thank you, Ann!"
- K.L."One of my biggest challenges was feeling/being stuck in the muck of conclusions that a very young part of me came to in order to cope with my mother's neglect and verbal abuse. I decided I'd never be able to get the help I needed...no matter what I tried...so why try? My best efforts just weren't good enough. Through the exercises in the course, I was able to see the despair of this small girl inside me and finally draw her into my adult heart with love and compassion so she doesn't feel so hopeless, defeated, and isolated. I feel an enormous sense of gratitude to Ann and to Focusing for this newfound tenderness!"
- L.R."Before taking the course it was really difficult for me to be willing to turn within and be with the hurting, angry, shamed places inside. That left me feeling very scared, resistant, tense, and tired. I felt afraid of parts of me, afraid there was something terribly bad and wrong within me that might hurt and destroy me. Now, I feel freer and more at ease knowing that everything inside me is actually trying to help me in it's own way. I think Loving the Unlovable is ideal because it brings understanding and compassion to the feeling that something in us is unlovable."
- Jacqueline S."Before Loving the Unlovable, I was constantly struggling with being stuck and not being able to get things done. This left me feeling bad about myself all the time. I was very hard on myself, in the way I would talk and think about myself. That has shifted and I am so much kinder to myself in thoughts and words, as well as actions. This kind of work is life-changing."
- Trisha Cripps"After taking the Loving the Unlovable course, I notice I'm speaking up at times when I wouldn't have before. When I have a need or a want, instead of staying quiet I'm quite naturally just asking. That's a biggie for me because I have such strong conditioning to not ask for anything. For such a deep subject, Ann introduces it in a loving, uncomplicated way that makes it easy to work with. It's so comforting to be in a group with people who have similar issues, to feel the bond of shared experience, and take steps toward change together."
- Pablo García Gutiérrez"Before Loving the Unlovable, I really struggled to accept some circumstances of my life that left me feeling ashamed and vulnerable. I was born "by accident" - an unplanned child and I could barely tolerate the shame I felt about that. I used to push those feelings out. Now, I can be more open to them. That openness has created a great expansion in my life. This course truly went beyond my expectations. It helped me transform a fundamental attitude about my feelings into a more open, loving, natural, fascinating one. My relationship to my child self, my shame, and even my larger self is moving into a more healthy, spiritual and creative connection."
Your course comes with a 100% money-back guarantee. If you let us know within one year after you purchase the course that we didn’t deliver what we said we would, just ask and we’ll cheerfully refund the full course fee.
Do I get access to the course all at once?
No. You’ll have access to the first Module of the course as soon as you sign up. Every 7 days, you’ll get a new module released to you. We provide the content in ‘small bites’ like this because taking time to practice the material and move forward in small, consistent steps supports you in making the kinds of changes you really want to make.
Tell me more about the classroom environment and how course content is provided?
Sure. The classroom is virtual and taught in a learning platform called Ruzuku. Materials are provided via a combination of video, audio slideshows, and written content to cover a variety of learning styles. There is a forum so you can connect with other program participants and be part of a dynamic learning community. And you get lifetime access to all of it. Go through it once and come back anytime you need some extra support to handle life!
Can my friend and I share the course?
Thanks for asking. Each course is licensed to a single user – you! While we can’t authorize you to share the materials, we’d love to have your friend participate too. Please feel free to invite them to sign up too!
Are Continuing Education Units available?
Continuing Education Units (CEUs) are not available for this course.