The Language of Opening and Flowing
This past weekend I did a workshop in “The Art of Facilitative Language.” In many ways that’s my favorite topic because it brings together two of my most loved areas: Focusing and linguistics. I’ve been studying linguistics even longer than I’ve been studying Focusing.
But this is something we never covered in grad school: Language can open process. Language can be facilitative; language can open doors inside.
Of course it isn’t language ALONE that opens doors. Words spoken by rote, without heart and presence, do nothing. But with the right intention and the wrong language, we do less well than we could.
Here’s an example: “So there’s something about….”
Try it the next time someone is telling you a story about an event or situation that brought up an emotion. “So there’s something about that happening that brings up that feeling.”
Example: “I walked in on a conversation between two managers at work, and it sounded like they were insulting me. I’ve had it!”
“So there’s something about walking in on that conversation, maybe they were insulting you, that brings a feeling of, ‘I’ve had it!'”
Most people who hear this feel invited to turn inward, to be interested and curious, in an atmosphere of more space inside.
My Favorite Words
Here are a few of my favorite words for facilitating process:
Something
“Something” is my all- time favorite word. It is so useful for so many purposes! We saw one example already. Here’s another:
“i don’t know what I’m feeling in my throat.”
“You’re sensing something in your throat.”
And
The word “and” is great because it is so inclusive: you can always add another “and.” The word “and” validates both sides; the word “but” negates or supercedes one side with the other.
Invitation
The whole process flows more easily when choices are available, even the choice not to do anything. So each step comes by invitation. “You might give yourself a gentle invitation in there.”
Opportunity
The word “opportunity” is another way to offer choices. “This is an opportunity to just spend time with that, without trying to make any changes.”
Words change meaning as we use them, and mean different things to different people. So again, it isn’t the words alone that are facilitative, but using them with a spirit of open warm invitation and curious exploration.
Although the examples in this article are phrased from the Companion’s point of view, these phrases and attitudes are just as important to use with yourself, in your own Focusing. Perhaps even more so!