Say “Yes” to What Comes
I just spent the past weekend with three of my advanced students learning about taking a person through their first Focusing session. One of the maxims we used over and over again was “Say Yes to What Comes.” It’s something to bear in mind whether we’re very experienced with Focusing or very new.
As we’re learning a new skill it’s natural to be wondering: Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Is this right?
With Focusing, there’s an easy answer: Yes. What you’re doing IS what you’re supposed to be doing. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you can find a felt sense from there.
Ever since I was 6 years old, my favorite joke has been the one about the driver who stopped in the country to get directions. The one who was asked, after trying a number of different ways, finally said, “You can’t get there from here!”
As a little kid I thought that was hilarious because I knew that it was wrong: you can get anywhere from where you are. And that’s true of Focusing very much. You can get to felt sensing from where you are. In fact, I doubt very much if you can start with anything BUT where you are right now!
And…..
In my Guiding New People class last weekend, the word that comes after “Say Yes to What Comes” is “And….”
(I love the word “and” almost as much as I love the words “something” and “hello” — because it includes, it encompasses, it welcomes. And there is always room for another “and”…)
So “and” belongs after “Say Yes to What Comes” because we might need to do something MORE in order to find Focusing from where we are. We might need to take time, or slow down, or sense inwardly, or be gentle with ourselves.
For example: I’m aware that it’s hard for me to settle down today. My thoughts are all over the place. So I acknowledge that. That is what’s here right now. AND I invite a sense of how that is for me, that whole thing. Now I sense a kind of pressure in my chest. OK, I’m staying with that…