Focusing When You Already Feel Good
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Pat writes: "More and more, when I sit down to focus with myself or with my Focusing partner, I find that I’m feeling very good, and free of the issues and feelings that used to hook me. Some little part of myself always pops up and says: "That’s rubbish – of course you have issues." But then a larger part of me says "Yes, and it’s OK," and I can then gently lift myself down off that hook too. Your word "Presence" comes to mind, as more and more I feel connected to my calm, safe center.
"So now, this is my dilemma. I’m quite sure this doesn’t mean that I no longer have a use for Focusing, but that somehow I can start to explore different ways of using it. I imagine there might be some different questions to ask myself? Or different things to look out for? Or different new goals? – like maybe, ‘so how do I grow / strengthen this even more’ or ‘how can I strengthen my connection with it’."
Dear Pat,
The first thing to say is that the one that says "That’s rubbish" could be a whole session in itself… It’s worried about something, that’s for sure! But I know that’s not your main question today.
You can also do Focusing simply to feel the qualities of that calm safe center. There may be more there than has been put into words yet. Actually… there’s SURE to be more there than has been put into words yet! When I say there is "more there," I don’t mean that some secret difficulty is lurking under the calm safe feeling. I mean that the texture of what is actually felt is sure to be richer, more intricate, than the words "calm and safe" alone. Staying with that felt intricacy–and perhaps finding more symbols and metaphors for what it feels like– is like a harvesting of the richness there.
As for your questions, they sound fine. I would also suggest the following: Since there is always a "right next step" implied by the body, you could ask for that. An invitation for that might be: "What is the wanting?" or "What is the forward pointing?" (Yes, these sound funny. They are meant to.)
Remember that when you offer a question to the body, you are not so much "asking" as you are "sensing with." When a question is asked there is pressure to answer, but sensing with a question implies an open tender waiting.
The State of "Presence" is an Invitation
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Feeling good can help us find Presence, that ability to be-with whatever arises that is essential to Focusing.
But that doesn’t mean that being in Presence is the absence of any difficult feeling. I could be in Presence with myself and feeling something in me afraid, sad, in pain, etc. I could be weeping… and be in Presence.
It’s often true that something in us just wants to feel good. The search for Presence can be used by a part like that as a way to leave behind difficult feelings.
That’s why Barbara McGavin and I find it so important to emphasize that the ability to be in Presence has in it an invitation… and invitation to something that needs Presence.
As Rumi says, "This being human is a guest house"… and the door of the guest house is not locked.
And for me, when I’m really being my whole self, the quality of being able to turn toward whatever in me needs company feels absolutely wonderful.
Are Decisions Hard?
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A time of decision is a time of opportunity. You’re pulled in at least two different directions – which is right? Or sometimes there is a feeling that life isn’t changing enough, you are stagnating, stuck… and if only you could make a decision to change… but something is in the way. Decisions don’t have to pull you apart – they CAN pull you together again! In this workshop, you will discover how to hear and feel what each side is wanting for you. You will find out why it often doesn’t feel like there is any good solution – and what to do then!
My popular phone course on Focusing and Decisions is being offered again starting November 8 for 5 Thursdays (no meeting November 22) at 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM Pacific time… 7:00-9:00 PM Eastern time… Friday mornings in New Zealand and Australia…
Hear a free phone seminar on Decisions
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