Focusing with Traumatic Memories
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A reader writes: "I wonder if Focusing can help me with traumatic memories? I’m referring to memories that, when I think about them, I get this gut-twisting feeling, my stress/arousal level skyrockets and I feel my heart pounding/squeezing. I’m wondering if there is some way of using Focusing to ‘deactivate’ those memories or would another modality be more appropriate?"
Dear Reader,
I know this can be a difficult situation, in that the coming of the memories and the physiological reactions can feel scary in themselves, as if the original trauma is happening all over again. And it feels as if the memories are "causing" the gut-twisting, adrenalin pounding reactions… and then we think, if I could just "deactivate" the memories, life would be a lot easier.
Let’s step back, though, and ask about the function of those memories and the stress reaction that accompanies them. I like to start by assuming that the body process is trying to function in a healing way. Whatever is happening is your organism’s attempt to "live forward." I find this a good assumption generally: we don’t have enemies inside us that are trying to hurt us.
So how might this assumption apply specifically to traumatic memories? To start with, I’d suggest not talking about "the memory" as if "the memory" had its own life and point of view. Rather, let’s try saying it this way: "Something in me is bringing this memory now." We can add the words, "…for some good reason" to remind ourselves that somehow, in ways we don’t know yet, this experience is trying to live forward.
"Something in me is bringing this memory now."
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If you say it this way, you may experience a shift from being at the mercy of the memory and the body reactions to it, to being an interested and curious observer. "Hmm, that’s interesting! Something in me is bringing this memory now, and I wonder…"
One woman who had suffered sexual abuse as a child, when Focusing as an adult would sometimes see her perpetrator’s face looming toward her. Her body would react as if this person were really in front of her, and she a small child again. This was frightening and debilitating.
During one session when I was working with her, when she told me, "I see his face!" I responded, "Something in you is showing you his face."
Immediately she calmed down. "Oh," she said, "that’s right. Something in me is showing me his face. That’s doesn’t feel so bad."
A little later in the session she discovered that the something in her that showed her this man’s face was trying to warn her, trying to say, "Don’t let this happen again."
It has been my experience that traumatic memories don’t appear for no reason. The memories may actually be from a part of us that is trying to send a warning. That part can’t use words so it uses pictures. It is trying to say, "I don’t want you to go through this again" but the only way it can do that is by showing the memory.
The area of trauma and traumatic memories is a complex one, and there is a lot I don’t know. I don’t want to over-simplify here. It has been my experience, though, that sensing for the part of us that is sending the memory–for some good reason–can bring relief and a sense of being in a new place with the whole thing.