"When the Unexpected Happens"
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Those are the words at the top of the fax I've just received from the data recovery experts. Yes, my laptop computer's hard drive failed a few days ago… and then I discovered that my scheduled backups hadn't been working. I may have lost all the work I've done on my laptop for the past four months.
And yet I notice that I still have a calm stomach!
I keep checking in… acknowledging the part of me that wants very feebly to kick me for not checking the backup sooner… saying hello to something in me that doesn't like not knowing whether I'll get my data back… and yet my stomach remains serene.
It wasn't always like this!
Somehow the process of Inner Relationship Focusing has enabled me to move through a crisis in an inner state of calm, not getting taken over by worried or anxious parts of me, so I'm able to make decisions and act as I need to.
If there's something going on in your life that's both unexpected and worrisome, you might want to try some Focusing. Start by getting grounded into body awareness. Then find where in your body you're feeling the impact of the worry. Tight stomach? Constricted throat? Wherever it is, maybe you could put a gentle hand there, and say "I'm sensing something in me that feels (scared, worried, ______)." You can stay there giving gentle company to that place in you for as long as it needs. Don't be surprised if it starts letting you know all that it's worried about. That's actually good. Just listen.
Not Finding Someone to Blame
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No matter what goes on, when "something in us" interprets it as "disaster," there's got to be someone to blame! In the old days, before I found a way to use Focusing with my inner critics, I could get paralyzed with inner blame–an awful body feeling of "wrongness" whenever life didn't go well.
So with my hard drive crash, why is part of me only kicking me feebly for not being more careful about the backup? Why do I not feel bad about myself, even though I am taking action and my backup systems from now on are going to be spotless?
Because I've learned that inner critics are really worried, and if I can stay calm and turn to them with gentle curiosity for what they're worried about, it gets me totally out of the blame-shame game. I am no longer the target. It is how it is.
And my stomach stays calm!