Focusing Tip #808 – When a part doesn’t get moving even after being heard

Is it over-indulgence to keep listening to a part that never seems to move? Read on…

A Reader writes:

Can we reach a point that we over-indulge a part that never seems to move? I think of this like a child who refuses to go to school. The mother listens, cares, understands the child’s fear and anything else the child relates. She really holds a space for her.

But then somehow the child must find the courage within herself to go to school…

Dear Reader:

The heart of the matter is this: Who should be taking action?

Yes, kids need to go to school. Their mother can’t do it for them.

But parts do not need to act. Ideally, they wouldn’t. You are the one who, once healing happens, take the needed actions. Not your parts.

I remember having a part that didn’t want to write. I couldn’t get a book written because this part refused to write. I listened to its feelings and what it was protecting me from, and things changed. I was able to write, hurray!

But it wasn’t that part that did the writing. It was me… the whole me.

Parts formed at a time in your life when Self-in-Presence was missing. They did their best to step in and do the job that Self-in-Presence should have done, but without the needed resources.

When you listen compassionately to what a part is feeling, you don’t do it in order to change the part. It doesn’t have to change.

You do it because that kind of listening embodies a relationship that has been missing. You, Self-in-Presence, in relationship with all your parts.

Now that the missing relationship is here, you will find yourself taking the missing actions — without angst or resistance. It’s like what’s needed just starts to happen… because now, you are here.

I have an image of a pioneer woman driving a covered wagon west. Next to her sits a scared child, and they are about to ford a turbulent river. With loving courage and strength, the mother says to her child, “Hang on tight, here we go!” That’s how you, Self-in-Presence, move forward in your life even when parts are still scared.

“Hang on tight, here we go!”