“Let’s ignore the dark stuff, and just be happy.”
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Last week we heard from a reader who asked if it was possible to do Focusing while depressed. I replied that a part that believes the world is a hopeless place is trying to protect her from feeling worse.
This week we hear back from her…
“Thank you for your comprehensive reply! I had a focusing session between asking my question and receiving your answer, and in it, exactly as you said, I encountered first a slumped/deflated/sad/unhappy part, quickly supplanted by a worried/critical part. After spending time with the worried/critical part I tried to go back to the sad part, but there was no access – as you said, the worried/critical part had taken on a guardian role, and would not let me get anywhere near that sad part.
“Today, after receiving your answer, I had another session. I couldn’t sense anything, nothing came forward, so I took it on faith that a guardian part was operating, said Hello to it, and let it know I was just going to sit there and spend time with it, and it could be however it wanted to be, for as long as it needed to. Gradually a picture emerged, of me sitting relaxed and comfortable, with my back up against a warm brick wall, just sitting in the sunshine, warm, relaxed, comfortable. At first I didn’t quite get how this could be a picture relating to being depressed, but then I understood this part was offering me something different – “Let’s ignore the dark stuff, and let’s just be happy.” I let it know I appreciated its care and concern for me, and also said I would be equally willing to accept whatever is behind the wall, that it feels it needs to protect me from.
“How would you advise proceeding from this point?”
Dear Reader,
Wow, this is really great! I especially liked what you did, when nothing came forward… you took it on faith that a guardian part was operating, and said Hello to it. Just what I would have suggested!
I love the spacious quality of your Presence in this session, that you let it know you would just be with it and spend time with it, and that it could be however it wanted to be for as long as it needed to. What a beautiful invitation! (I know you learned that in Focusing Path to Lasting Change, Part One… and I still love it! And it’s really great how you are applying it.)
I enjoy how you accepted the picture that emerged, even though at first it made no sense. You discovered that this part wants to help you ignore the dark stuff, and believes that is what you need to do, to be happy. (You might say to it, “No wonder you want me to ignore the dark stuff, if that is what you believe…”)
Accepting what is behind the wall
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I feel you are right, that the part you are calling the guardian is wanting to protect you from the feelings that it believes are behind the wall.
So the question is, what does it need in order to trust that you can now handle those feelings?
Barbara McGavin and I believe that what is needed is that all parts trust you to be Self-in-Presence. Clearly, from your description of this session, you are doing a beautiful job of being in the accepting, allowing state of Self-in-Presence. Still, it will probably take time for the parts to trust that. Trust doesn’t happen instantly; trust is built over time.
In the meantime, have a relationship with this guardian. You can invite it to let you know what it is worried will happen (what it doesn’t want) IF those feelings come out from behind the wall. Whatever it says (or shows you), let it know you hear it. Give it your empathy. Keep checking if it feels you have really understood it.
You can also invite it to show you the feelings it wants for you. It says it wants you to be happy! That’s great… and you can invite it to show you how ‘happy’ feels in the body, and what body feeling it wants for you from feeling happy. Now it will probably feel even more understood.
It is likely that as a natural part of this process, you will begin to get a sense of what is behind the wall. Your welcome for that has set the scene, so that when it emerges, you can make a space of empathy and sensing.
It may surprise you. It may not be as “bad” as a part of you is afraid it will be. Sensing it freshly, as it is here right now, is your way forward.
1 Comment
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“Let’s ignore the dark stuff, and just be happy.” It is not easy to be happy is we hide something dark or some problems in our life, maybe we can smile but it would be somehow a show off or fake smile. We cannot laugh to the extent we are really enjoying on what we are laughing about. Being happy is free, all we need is to accept and move on.
