Loving the Unlovable: Transforming Shame and Self-Blame

Can you imagine loving everything about yourself? Does that even seem possible? We can help…

Loving the Unlovable

A 3-week live, online course with Ann Weiser Cornell to Transform Shame and Self-Blame


For anyone suffering from shame and lack of self-love, even occasionally.


A three-week live online course for shifting how we view (and how much we appreciate) the most “unlovable” parts of ourselves.


Live Online Course – join us from anywhere in the world!


Because loving yourself as you are opens up your resources of joy, connectedness, and life energy, and allows you to move forward with your life.

Do you feel like you’re a flawed, imperfect person, deep down?

Many of us carry a sense of being deeply wrong inside, hoping that others will never find out how flawed we are. I know I did… All through my teenage and young adult years, I felt I was fundamentally not good enough, and therefore I couldn’t be loved or respected by anyone who really knew me.

It takes a lot of energy to hide who you really are.

It’s a Catch-22. If I show my shameful, “ugly,” probably disgusting deepest self, then people will recoil from me and I’ll be alone. But if I don’t show who I am, nobody really knows me, and I’m essentially alone anyway. The hiding takes a lot of energy and just perpetuates the belief that I’ve got something horrible at my core.

Our feelings of shame and self-loathing feel like proof that we’ve got to hide our true selves.

There’s a self-perpetuating cycle that moves from the painful body feelings of self-loathing… to the shame that convinces us we have to hide our true selves from others… to the loneliness of never being seen and appreciated for our true selves. And around the cycle again.

Yes, there is a way out of that cycle…

It starts with turning toward the feelings, without believing what they seem to tell us.

woman comforting child

“Shaming” is a process, not a truth.

A part of you does “shaming” so that the so-called unlovable parts of you will stay hidden away. It has nothing to do with whether those parts of you are actually bad, flawed, “ugly” or shameful! Hint: They’re not.

What’s really locked away at your core is a longing for connection and mutuality that got blocked long ago.

Imagine reaching out for a hug and getting slapped instead… or simply ignored. When our natural impulses for connection and mutuality get blocked – even punished – those fundamental needs get locked away under various veneers – from “I don’t need anyone” to “I’m a needy vulnerable mess” to “There’s clearly something wrong with me but I don’t know what.”

You have everything you need to love yourself as you are.

It’s not even hard to do… as long as you start by having compassion for the parts of you that are shaming other vulnerable parts of you in order to save you from some scary fate. When you can step outside that whole dynamic… turn toward both the “Shamer” and the “Shamed” inside… then love and tenderness for yourself naturally awakens.

As you grow stronger in your ability to love yourself, you have more freedom and possibility in your life.

When you do this work, your strong calm Self gets bigger and your energy is freed up because there is no longer a need to hide certain aspects of yourself. The sky’s the limit for creativity, enjoyment, and accomplishment!

self love

Join me in this course where I’ll show you:

  • The amazing truth that “shame” is a process that is meant to protect you… and how this means you can stop having to feel crippling shame
  • How to step outside the cycle of shame, feeling bad about yourself, and loneliness
  • Seven ways you can cultivate your strong, calm Self, the “you” that you can feel good about being

This course could be right for you if:

  • You’ve ever felt that parts of yourself, including your body, are bad, wrong, or unlovable
  • You feel you have to hide away aspects of yourself for fear others will see what’s wrong with you
  • You want to grow in your ability to feel good about yourself, confident, and empowered

What You’ll Get:

In this course, you’ll experience a series of playful and profound processes for encountering the most unlovable parts of yourself… and embracing them.

Not only that, but also embracing the part of you that doesn’t love them!

The result: at least a taste of the freedom and ease that are possible for you as you transform painful inner states into something more life-affirming.

About Your Guide

Ann Weiser Cornell, PhD, is the co-developer (with Barbara McGavin) of Inner Relationship Focusing. Ann learned Focusing in 1972 from its developer, Eugene Gendlin, and was his close friend and colleague to the end of his life.

Ann has written several definitive books on Focusing, including The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing, and Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change.

She has taught Inner Relationship Focusing around the world since 1980, and is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology.

Ann Weiser Cornell

“Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Are You Ready to Start Loving What Feels Unlovable in You?

I Can Help Get You There…

Join me for Loving the Unlovable

Practice the Powerful Exercises & Skills On Your Own

Discover How You Can Love Every Part of Yourself

Enroll for Your Course Here

This course is currently not available. If you’d like to be notified when it is offered again, please email Allison.

Need a Little Help Deciding?

Curious about this course? Listen in to a free webinar from October 30th on Loving the Unlovable. You’ll come away with:

  • A new perspective on the process by which something in us is called “disgusting,” “ugly,” or “unlovable” — and why
  • A healthy dose of doubt that any part of you is actually unlovable
  • Three simple tools for accessing your appreciation of yourself

Download the Webinar Audio Here

(If you can’t make the time of the webinar, please register anyway, and we’ll send you a recording link on the next day.)

“Definition: An inner criticizing part is any part of you that believes that you or another part of you has to change in order for you to be OK.”
– Ann Weiser Cornell, Radical Gentleness

Additional Information

How Online Courses Work

We use Zoom, an online video conference platform, to connect you to other students and the teacher. Before the class starts you will receive a Zoom link to use each time the class meets. You can join us via your camera-equipped computer, tablet, or smart phone. Prefer not to be on video? You can turn off your camera. Don’t want to call via computer? You can call in by phone. Zoom is free and easy to use. You will be able to sign on in advance to make sure you can access it, but we’ve had very few problems with it. Students also receive access to a private webpage where course materials can be found.


There is no prerequisite for this course. All are welcome.

Continuing Education Credit & Course Completion Certificate

Course meets the qualifications for 6 hours of continuing education credit for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs, and/or LEPs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. Focusing Resources, CAMFT Approved CE Provider #62524

Focusing Resources is approved by the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to sponsor continuing education for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs, and/or LEPs. Focusing Resources maintains responsibility for this course and its content.

There is a $25 administrative fee for CE units. Course completion certificates are awarded at the end of the course upon completion of all requirements and the course evaluation. (If you don’t want CE units but would like a completion certificate, the $25 fee does still apply.)

Eligibility for CE units requires at least 80% live attendance. If you miss a class, it must be made up.

Cancellations, Changes & Refunds

Up to 5 days before the first day of class: We will refund your course fee less a $35 cancellation fee. Avoid the cancellation fee by applying the entire course payment towards a future class. Changing your registration to a later offering of the same course must also occur 5 days prior to the beginning of class.

Cancellations received 4 days or fewer before class begins: No refund. Changing your registration within this window results in a $75 fee.

When Something Doesn't Go As You'd Hoped...

We are always open to discussing experiences with our courses that didn’t work for you or didn’t go the way you expected. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to email your course instructor, the staff member in charge of your course, or Ann Weiser Cornell. Email addresses for all these people will be supplied on registration. We will work with you to find a way to meet your needs.

Do I need to attend every class meeting?

You can enroll in this course and listen to the recordings that are available 1-2 days after each class meeting. We call this remote attendance. Please Note: If you attend remotely, you are ineligible for CEUs.

Is this a course with partnership practice?

No, partnerships are not available for this course.

Tell me more about the classroom environment and how course content is provided?

Sure. This course is taught using an online video conference system called Zoom. You’ll receive all the details you need to join us via Zoom prior to the first class meeting. You’ll also receive a private class webpage where homework assignments and class recordings can be found. Participants will be able to communicate via an online forum on the private class webpage.



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