Shifting Your Relationship with Pain, Part Two
Part of a Series
Join the Conversation!
Please use the space below to share your thoughts or ask Ann a question.
Sign up here and get your first lesson right away.
Thank you! Your first lesson is on its way to your inbox. If you don't see it in the next couple hours, be sure to check your SPAM folder (or Promotions tab in GMail)
18 Comments
Ann, Thank you!! It feels like you are speaking directly to me, as my back pain has flaired up recently. It’s really helpful to separate my feelings-my panic-about the pain from the “simplicity” of the pain itself. Your compassion and generosity shine through every cell of your being in these videos. Again, thank you! I look forward to the next one. LeeAnn D
LeeAnn, I am so grateful that the video helped you! Thank you so much for sharing. The next one is coming on Monday!
Hi Ann, I loved these two videos. I experimented today with a very low level pain in my lower back and felt it respond with an easing in the being with it and describing it. I am planning to pass these on to a friend who is in pain and to use it with clients as well. Thank you, as always, Lois
Good to hear from you, Lois! I love it when people pass these videos along to people who might benefit from them.
Ann, Thank you for this video. I found that learning to just be present with my grief softened my hurting heart and eased my pain. I’m looking forward to your video about receiving the message in the pain. I love your warm and caring tone of voice and presence. With love, Lily
Thank you, Lily! Thanks especially for sharing an experience of using this exercise with the emotional pain of grief. I’m so glad it helped.
Thank you, Ann, for these two videos! For a long time I`ve been in fear to do something, that I desperately have to do or important things will become worse. But the fear of just looking at this something is so bad, that I just can`t go in for this. To get aware of the “something in me…” and to be in present with the fear, changed it a lot. Your warm presence is also so comfortable. Thanks from my heart. Elisabeth
Elisabeth, it warms my heart that my exercise on the simplicity of pain help you to be present with the fear of looking at something you have to do. Wow, that is such good news. I’m glad I helped… and YOU did it!
Thank you for both videos! Right now, I have a headache and am trying to get rid of it. I sense that something in me is saying “why does this keep coming back?” And something else says, “is this connected to my jaw ache?”
Then I focused on the pain itself – felt at first like a dark metal mask over my forehead and jaws – yes, connected! Then also I sensed two rods going from my neck into my skull. And later still, like the mask was grey and not black and there were specific points that were pushing into me. Perhaps I feel a little relief. At least it feels like it won’t get worse now. Thank you!
Audrey, thank you for your sharing! You brought the processes from the two videos to your headache… well done! It’s my experience too that sometimes the pain doesn’t go away… but it somehow changes so it becomes possible to live with.
Always feels good to be close to myself. Present. Thank you, Ann.
Thank you, Ewa! SO glad!
Dear Ann, It is incredible that your Focusing Tips and these two videos on physical and emotional pain come just as I am “sensing” I could use
a little assistance. I Focus with myself as a daily morning practice with meditation and centering prayer. It brings quiet and peace within. Though there is something, a part in me that is literally lifted when I hear your voice and listen to your Focusing wisdom. Thank you always Ann, Alma B.
Alma, I’m so grateful that the video and the Focusing Tips are coming just at the right time for you! Delighted to hear that Focusing has joined your morning practice.
I think I’m noticing another tangle. What I feel is this vague “fog”. Something that is painful (physically and emotionally) and feeling like I can’t find my way through it. I’m also aware of thoughts about how much I’d like to be able to share my pain with my parents in the hope that I could get love and compassion from them AND another something in me that scolds me for even entertaining such a thought. (They historically have not been able to handle my pain, and often shame me in response). It’s quite difficult to sit with all of this right now.
Michelle, so far so good… including noticing that it is quite difficult to sit with all this. Here is what comes for me. You have something in you that wants to share your pain with your parents in the hope of getting love and compassion from them AND you have another something in you that scolds you for even entertaining such a thought. And then there is the vague “fog,” something that is painful. What I’d suggest is that after acknowledging the other two parts, you turn toward the something in the fog, and gently invite it into relationship. And just be there for it, just as it is. (Let’s write privately if I can help you more…)
Dear Ann,
I thank you a lot for your kind voice and guidance.
Lately i had a lot of relationship trouble.
A relationship ended with my boyfriend. I suffered a lot, i felt criticized Most of the time. He was Not very kind.
Then i visited of my daughters and i noticed her again ( as other times) angry, very angry because of some mistakes i made. I couldnt stop crying. She repeated that i dont respect her and that she si is angry because i play the victim.
That hurt i feel now. I dont want to be winy around my daughters, but tears come when i visit them.
I feel like the little child, that want them to mother me, embarace me, be compassionate with my feelings…but i know with my mind, i am the mother! But my feelings are a very Little Child longing, feeling excluded, rejected, Not loved.
i dont know hoy to change that.
Today i sat with that hurt in me. The winy Child. A Part that is very ashamed and Wants to hide, dissapear, Even die.
And a super angry part, hitting and fighting all that vulnerable. I could for a while…deep breathing comes by itself. And the sense of my legs.
And something afraid to feel.
Now i am confused. I see now a lot of responsability i had in my past relationship. Should i go back and grow?
Dear Marianne – Thank you for your sharing. Your situation with your daughters sounds very painful. But now we need a process more complex than just being quietly with the pain… although that is a good start. It sounds like the current relationship with your daughter is triggering pain from the past. This makes a current relationship very challenging and hard. You’re aware of a child part who is hurt… and it sounds like you often ARE that child part. What I would recommend is that you develop your Self-in-Presence, so you know that YOU are OK, even though the child is hurt. I have a book about cultivating Self-in-Presence. Maybe that is your next step. https://focusingresources.com/?portfolio=presence-guide-transforming-challenging-emotions