Carole, who asked last week’s question about her whole body turning to stone, wrote in response and said I could share her response with you. (She had written her question some time ago, so we can see what has happened for her since.)
“Thank you so much for your reply, Ann. It’s been one year that I am in therapy using Focusing as a major tool to heal my past. What you write in this article is so true for me! I do now feel much more safe with my therapist which allows me to be more present during the sessions and simply be open to listen to my other feeling parts, which appear to be very young. The part in me, which you identify as the safety guardian, I call my warrior! I can literally see this part dressed as a warrior (she resembles Jeanne D’Arc) and always ready to protect me when facing danger or any threatening situation. At first, when I contacted this part, it showed up as a black panther! I am learning a great deal about her and her role as a warrior in my life and have come to appreciate and be grateful for the work she has and is still doing to protect me. Thank you again for these very useful focusing tips and for your wonderful work which allows so many people to learn about themselves and about life.”
Focusing with Chronic Holding Patterns
Ruth writes: “I wondered if you had any insights about Focusing with chronic holding patterns. The muscles of my neck and shoulders sometimes feel tight/contracted, like my shoulders are always slightly pulled up. In my jaw and teeth there’s a subtle but perpetual feeling of pressure, as though they have been packed with denser material than tooth or jaw. My throat and the inner surfaces of my mouth and nasal passages are also contracted.
“I’ve noticed at night that my body up to my neck is completely relaxed, and feels quite energetically clear, unblocked, and then my neck/head feel like they’re completely different — I had an image last night of a gnarled head, a bit like a doll’s head, all mangled and stiff, stuck on top of my body …
“I realize I asked the question because I have spent hours and hours and hours, over years, placing my awareness in this place, with not a lot of change. Since I’ve started Focusing, a lot of Focusing sessions have ended up here also … I think something is working out whether it’s safe to let something else come to the surface …”
Dear Ruth,
It sounds like you’re making a very good start on Focusing with these places! You’re sensing closely and carefully what those places feel like, finding metaphors (“as though they have been packed with denser material”), images (“a gnarled head, a bit like a doll’s head, all mangled and stiff”), and a sense of its point of view (“My throat feels like it’s permanently keeping something down or unexpressed”). That quality of sensing will take you far.
I would add a couple of things.
First, I would be wary of a phrase like “chronic holding pattern.” I realize that is a convenient way to refer to it… but we need to not become too attached to the label, or we distance ourselves from the experience as an understandable and well-meaning response to something which is going on right now.
Which brings me to my second point. Especially with chronic and/or painful experiences, it is very easy to become subtly identified with seeing them as un-alive, inanimate — things. And words like “holding pattern” tend to reinforce that tendency.
What if instead we approach these experiences as if there is “someone” in there, “something in me” that is like a gnarled head, packed with denser material. Something we can say Hello to, something alive that has some good reason to be there. Sensing it freshly, open to the possibility that, even though I’ve felt it many times, this time might be different, and at least this time I will sense it AS IF I’ve never felt it before. Moving away from how it usually feels to how it feels right now.
As when we work with physical pain, it helps to be alert for a subtle identification with a part of us that wants to be free of this (which we can also hear in the label “holding pattern” — who is being held?). Certainly it’s understandable for something in us to find it uncomfortable and want it gone! But let’s say Hello to that, so there is a larger space that can just hold both… and into which we can be simply curious.
There’s a very real possibility that something can shift and change when it is held in this way, with compassionate curiosity for its own point of view. And, as I say, you seem well on the way to that.
