“I get a felt sense but it goes away after about a second.”
Magdalene writes: “I am writing because I need advice on Focusing. I have been practicing Focusing for a couple of weeks now and most of the time I don’t feel the felt sense from its point of view. It’s like I get to a certain point in the Focusing process and become stuck. I have your book The Power of Focusing and try to follow what you say to do, but I find that almost always I lose my felt sense and have to start the process over from the beginning — like from sensing into my body. When I say I lose my felt sense I mean I get one, but then it goes away after like a second. Or I’d lose my concentration and then the felt sense will be lost as well.
“I really really want to learn how to focus and will do any thing it takes to perfect this skill. How long did it take for you to become proficient at focusing? How much did you practice every day?”
Dear Magdalene,
Wow, good for you for practicing and getting so far with Focusing in just a few weeks! I really sense your determination to get it.
Although it’s great to be determined to succeed, the attitude of trying hard might clash with the quality of open, relaxed invitation that felt senses like. You might try saying to yourself, “It’s OK if nothing comes today.” And then just sense whatever you are aware of, even if it is your heartbeat or your breathing, or the pressure of your legs against the chair.
When you do begin to feel a felt sense, just let it be there for a while. Don’t try to go to the next step of describing right away. Wait a bit, until you can feel it get stronger, becoming definitely there. (Have you been saying Hello? With this type of process, I would not suggest saying Hello — doing so can chase away the shy feelings.)
Once it is definitely there, your next step would be to describe it. Keep your awareness of the felt sense at the center of your awareness, and offer descriptions tentatively. Descriptions that fit will also help you feel more connected to the felt sense. If you feel it fading, let go of the last description you tried, and just be with the felt sense again with no words. In this way, the presence or the fading of the felt sense becomes how it gives you feedback that what you are doing is working for IT.
Is your inner world a safe place for unclear feelings?
One reason why felt senses might disappear quickly is that the space they are invited into… in you… doesn’t feel safe to them.
Imagine inviting someone shy to come into a room. You promise it’s OK, they’ll be safe, you just want to get to know them. But then when they show up, you start to pepper them with questions, like, “Who are you? Where are you from? Why aren’t you speaking?” Can you blame that person for getting out of there as quickly as possible?
We may have the best of intentions to be accepting of whatever we feel, but it takes practice to hold that inner “space” that can even allow something to be vague, unclear, unknown… for as long as it needs to be.
And finally, let me praise the power of Focusing partnership. Even the most experienced Focusers — like me! — can lose concentration when Focusing alone. Focusing with a partner, someone who will just say back your words and be calmly present, can be an enormous help to stay with the process. I know for me I would never have gotten anywhere with Focusing without Focusing partners.
And you can meet a partner in our courses!
