“It told me it was tired of being tired of being tired…”
Simon writes:
I often get parts that seem to be going round in circles on each other.
I have angry parts that are angry about being angry, and then angry about being angry about being angry, and so on.
And I have parts that are ashamed, then ashamed of being ashamed, and then ashamed of being ashamed of being ashamed, and so on and on.
And today I had a part that is tired: it let me know first that it is tired.. then that it is tired of feeling tired, and then that it is tired of being tired of being tired, and so on and on and on.
I have also tried to get bigger than the struggling (and the tired-of-the-struggling), and just let the struggling and the anger and the shame and the tiredness be there, but soon they start telling me what has got them so angry/tired/ashamed/struggling…and we are back to going in circles.
I’m finding I am unclear how to proceed – so if you could suggest any way forward (out of the ever-increasing-circles!) I would be very grateful.
Dear Simon,
That sounds rather frustrating and discouraging, and no wonder you are wanting some help with it! I do have an idea. It may have to do with what you are asking.
It sounds like you might be asking an angry part (for example) what gets it so angry. The answer to that question is clearly not carrying you forward, but taking you back into an endless loop.
I confess you may have read that question in a book or manual of mine… but it’s not the most facilitative or recommended invitation. For this very reason!
Working with the our own toughest life issues, Barbara McGavin and I came up with a prompt that seems to take the process out of the loops. Here it is:
“I am sensing what it doesn’t want to have happen to me.”
So…What it is about being angry that it doesn’t want you to go through?
What it is about being ashamed that it is not wanting for you?
What it is about being tired that it doesn’t want you to have to experience more of?
Simon tried what I suggested, and wrote again:
I found the new phrasing quite helpful – it seemed that the question “What it is about being X that you are not wanting for me?” elicited a much more specific and detailed response about how this part feels in certain situations, things I could acknowledge and say “aaah, no wonder….” to. It also gave me something to say when things seemed to be getting bogged down or going in circles, and again the more specific response moved things forward.
Ann replies: Wonderful!
