“I realized I am buying gifts always in a sense of panic, and the fear of lack…”
How can Focusing support us at holiday time? A few days ago I did a free one-hour call on this question, for about 75 people. We talked about being able to pause in the middle of stressful situations, acknowledging parts of us getting triggered, finding Self-in-Presence even when it’s hard.
The other thing we talked about was holiday gift giving, how it can be hard (and therefore stressful) to choose the right gift.
I took people through a Focusing exercise where they picked a person they’d been having trouble finding a present for, and got a felt sense of the person — sensing the person, what they enjoy, allowing qualities to emerge like “playful,” or “soft”— and then sensing if a gift idea emerges from there.
With her permission, I’d like to share with you what one participant wrote me after the call:
The last exercise was interesting. I had been totally unable to think of anything to get this person. I was blocked and feeling uninspired. Then I realized, doing the exercise, that I hadn’t REALLY thought about HIM as a person at all — only about objects to buy. There was a moment when you said to come into our bodies, that I suddenly felt this person’s PRESENCE — his essence — I saw what he loves and what really matters to him, and all the things I had thought about faded away completely from my mind. I suddenly had a really nice idea which made all the other stuff seem irrelevant and just tacky, really! And it was such a simple idea, but I felt that it would touch his heart and that because of that it would be all I needed to get him, rather than trying to make up for some sense of lack by buying lots of other things that really were a bit meaningless.
I realized I am buying gifts always in a sense of panic, and the fear of lack…whereas actually I feel with this new tool of presence, I could actually begin to wait…wait until I know…rather than grasping at things that the world is pushing at me, because I haven’t tapped into my own knowing.
Isn’t that striking? “Rather than grasping at things that the world is pushing at me…”— I love it! Focusing supports us in finding our own center and our own inner sense of rightness even (especially) at times when there are so many demands and pulls from outside.
Remember — you can always pause, feel your feet, feel your breath, feel your self. And go on from there.
