“I had to clamp down on my emotions as a child because of the abusive environment I was in.”
Michelle writes:
Do you believe big emotions can get trapped and build up? I had to clamp down on my emotions as a child because of the abusive environment I was in. Now when I sit with some of these in a Focusing session, it will often take MANY sessions to work through a single emotion. Is this because I am slowly releasing many years of built up emotions? Or is it because each session is needed in order for me to understand another nuance or aspect of the emotion?
Dear Michelle:
No, I don’t believe that emotions in us work the same way as liquid building up in a container. Sure, it’s natural to think that your emotions are strong today because they were repressed before. But I have another explanation.
You had to clamp down on your emotions as a child in order to survive. Feeling and expressing your emotions back then would have been dangerous for you. Parts of you took on the responsibility to keep those emotions pushed down and hidden.
The parts that protect us from our “dangerous” emotions do so in many ways – through dissociation, distraction, blankness, even shaming us for having the emotions.
I suspect that what is taking you so long to process is not the emotions themselves but the parts of you that are still trying to shut your emotions down so you will be safe.
You might want to pay attention to experiences of distraction or blankness that come when you are trying to do Focusing. There might also be critical voices, saying things like, “This is too much for you.”
You can turn to this aspect of you and say, “Hello, I know you are there…and I sense you are worried about this emotion.”
Then be a good listener and let that part of you tell you what it is worried about.
When the parts of you that are trying to protect you from your emotional states can relax, it will be much easier and more productive to be with the emotions themselves.
