“Is it good to know what you want? Or is it better not to want anything?”
A Reader writes:
People talk about the importance of knowing what I want, but I’m afraid to know what I want. What if I don’t get it? What if it is something bad, and other people are disgusted with me? I feel like knowing what I want has always gotten me in trouble, and it’s better not to want things.
Dear Reader:
It sounds like there are some painful memories there, that knowing what you want has always gotten you in trouble.
You might want to use this language: “Something in me feels like it is better not to want things.”
Then you’ll be able to have an inner relationship with that part of you. You will be able to give it compassion and company… and find out more about what is scary or hard about wanting.
The thing is, we can say it is better not to want, but that won’t make the wanting stop. It just might make the wanting go underground. And believe me, wanting that has gone underground can cause a lot more trouble!
At least if you are aware of what you want, you can decide whether or not to act on it. (When wanting has gone underground, a part of you may act on it without “you” knowing!)
My experience has been that ALL wanting – even for something bad, like wanting to get drunk – has an underlying positive purpose. I can discover that purpose by not acting on the wanting right away, but instead sensing what positive feeling it wants me to experience.
I hope you will try this and let me know how it goes!
