Focusing Tip #663 – “Something in me doesn’t like or respect me”
Do you have a harsh inner voice or part that doesn’t like you and puts you down? Read on…
An issue I have had off and on over the years is that something in me doesn’t seem to like or respect me very much. I’ve sat with it (perhaps not for long enough) but it never seems to want to go past the point of letting me know that it doesn’t like or respect me.
It seems to come up at times of stress and fear… when something important has been mislaid, etc. Or when I have somehow messed up! I would like to heal this part… but it might be difficult if it won’t acknowledge me other than to put me down.
I’ve met many people who have this painful experience of having an inner voice or part that is harder on them than any actual person is. In fact, it has been one of the missions of my life to try to find out why we have these harsh inner critics, and how they can possibly change.
It’s very interesting to me that yours comes at times of stress and fear. That is consistent with what I have seen in many other cases. The inner critic is an anxious part of us that gets panicked when it doesn’t believe that we can handle the situation we are in.
It actually cares about us but it doesn’t think we can handle much. It thinks that it has to control us or keep us in line with its comments. It may use the language or style that it learned from one or both of our parents… but it is not our parents. It is often harsher even than they were.
What it needs is to know that you are Self-in-Presence. You are the big Self. You are not someone that it needs to control or manage or push around.
And the way it can get it to know that is if you behave toward it with calm compassion.
No matter what it says, in whatever tone, say to it, “Ah, sounds like you might be worried about something.” You don’t even have to wait for an answer. When it is ready, when it starts to trust you, then it will answer.
There is another part of you that might need attention too. That is the one that feels put down. When you can turn toward that “criticized” one inside of you… and let something in you know that you hear how painful it is to be criticized… then you will really feel your strong Self getting stronger.
So true that second or next step of being actively responding to the part from presence is needed. Sometimes it’s hard enough to remember to pause and be with the parts that have arisen. Welcoming them in their conflict is challenging when you don’t have a good role model. It’s like a deeper pause often accompanied by deep guilt and fear of doing something wrong and wanting to get it right this time but also feeling too stupid to do so and totally questioning your capabilities. No wonder it’s hard and stops you in your tracks! Another role model besides the shaming is the too much sympathy: awwww you made a boo boo. Let mommy fix it. Rather than letting you figure it out with a hint maybe or rather let mommy see what you’re trying to do instead. Tight and speedy parents!