Focusing Tip #720 – “There is a particular person who always drives me crazy.”
If you have a negative reaction to another person that is affecting your life, but you have no idea why… Read on…
A Reader writes:
There is a particular person who always drives me crazy.
We are on a work committee, so we have to be at meetings together… and when this person speaks, I feel my whole body tightening and my face getting hot. It’s starting to affect my ability to do the work. I’ve tried to ask myself what the problem is but I don’t know.
I know that situation! I’ve been there! You know, what I love is that our reactions always make sense. We just don’t always know — at first — what is the sense they make!
So the question becomes: How do we find out? And that’s where Focusing comes in.
You’ve tried to ask yourself what it is, and you get “I don’t know.” Let me offer you another way to ask.
- Don’t ask. No questions! In the inner world, questions tend to shut things down because they feel like pressure to come up with an answer.
- Take some quiet time and recall being at a meeting with that person. Let the feel of the reaction to that person come in your body, even if it’s not as strong as in the actual situation.
- Stay a while with the body feeling. Now quietly bring in the words, “There is something about this person that brings this in me.” And wait.
You may get images, memories, phrases… Don’t rush. Remember, there is some good reason why you (and your body) reacts this way to this person. And it may not be what you assumed!
I remember doing this inner sensing process with a person I had to be on a committee with. Every time she spoke, I felt so irritated, and didn’t know why. Thought she was just an irritating person!
But when I took the time to sense, I realized with a shock of surprise that she reminded me too much of me! Of a controlling, managing side of me that I didn’t like in myself. That realization brought a rueful smile and my experience of this person got a lot better.