Focusing Tip #771 – Inner Relationship Focusing to increase confidence

If your doubts about your abilities are in the way of moving forward, read on…

A Reader writes:

I want to formulate a new vision for myself, but I feel a lot of doubts about my ability to go for what I envision. How can I use Focusing to increase my sense of confidence?

Dear Reader:

Good for you for wanting to formulate a new vision for yourself. There is a lot of hope and empowerment in that!

In fact, you can use Focusing to help formulate that new vision. Here’s how:

• Give yourself some uninterrupted time to tune in to yourself.
• Visualize yourself as you’d like to be, let’s say one year from today. What you’d be doing, who you would be with, where you would be.
• Now get the feeling in your body that comes along with that vision. How does it feel to be there, doing that? Spend some time having that feeling.

I’m guessing it will feel great! Now you can start planning the steps between here and there.

But wait… what about the confidence?

The main underminer of confidence is a part known as the inner critic. Some people hear it as a voice, saying things like, “What makes you think you can do that?” Other people don’t hear anything, but still get the impact, a sense of queasiness or low mood that comes from a doubting part.

There is a secret to inner critics. They are actually worried. They undermine you because they are worried about you… about you getting overwhelmed, about you getting in trouble, about other people getting jealous of you, etc. All kinds of things can worry this anxious part.

So what does it need? It needs for you to be gentle with it, and to acknowledge its worried state. (And not to believe that it’s telling the truth about you.)

“Might you be worried about something? I’m here to listen. You can let me know what you’re worried about.”

When doubting parts get a compassionate response from you, they usually start to soften and relax. And in their place — your natural confidence!