Can we do Inner Relationship Focusing without talking about parts? Read on…
Grace writes:
I work with someone who doesn’t like to say “something in me” because she feels deeply that she is a unified whole, and doesn’t relate to parts language. How can Inner Relationship Focusing work for people if they are allergic to thinking they have parts?
Dear Grace:
In my experience, talking as if we have parts actually helps us be more whole.
Relating to various parts in me helps me cultivate Self-in-Presence, which is the whole “me.” As I get stronger in Self-in-Presence, parts become less active and eventually fade away.
When I say, “I am sensing something in me is upset,” the “I” who is sensing gets bigger. The one who is upset gets smaller, and can be given some compassionate company. This way of speaking has brought a lot more calm and clarity into my life.
But if someone doesn’t relate to parts language at all, no problem. There are always other ways to say things.
Let’s say your client, or Focusing partner, is allergic to parts language. Here’s one way that might go:
Focuser: “I am just so upset right now.”
You: “You are feeling so upset right now. You might sense how ‘upset’ feels in your body.”
Focuser: “It’s a clenching in my chest.”
You: “You’re sensing a clenching in your chest. Maybe you can be with that a while…”
The Focusing session can go on from here, with the Focuser sensing the body sense that is described by the word “clenching” right now (it may change), sitting down with it, getting to know it better… but not as a “part.”
Sensing in the body allows a kind of “being with” that doesn’t make people feel like they are having to relate to parts… if they don’t want to!
