Focusing Tip #822 – “This part says I’m sure to fail”

Focusing Tip #822 – “This part says I’m sure to fail”
November 30, 2022 Ann Weiser Cornell
“I’ve listened to what this part is trying to say and it feels like a massive block...”

Focusing Tip #822 – “This part says I’m sure to fail”

Is something in you telling you that you don’t have what it takes? Read on…

Jackie writes:

I’ve been wanting to study herbalism for most of my adult life. Now I’m 62 and have the money and the time to do it but “something in me” is telling me I can’t do it because I’ve done various courses before and given them up and this will be no different as it’s a pattern within me. I’ve sat and listened to what this part is trying to say and it feels like a massive block.

Dear Jackie:

It’s a great thing to know what you really want. A lot of people don’t!

I’ve gone after big dreams myself, and I’ve helped a lot of other people do so too. It’s quite common to have this fear — that you’ll fail, you’ll blow it, you’ll try but you won’t stick. In fact, the more important the big dream is, the more scared some part of us feels that we won’t achieve it.

This “something in you” that is saying you can’t do it is a good example. It’s scared, pure and simple. It needs a good long hug!

With a part like this, just listening to what it is saying is unlikely to help. This type of part has all kinds of “logical” reasons why you are going to fail. It has files full of examples of failures in the past. It can’t be countered by logic, and simply listening only invites it to repeat itself.

That’s why Barbara McGavin and I invented a special kind of listening for a part like this. We call it “Not Wanting and Wanting.” You start by assuming this part is on your side somehow. Then you invite it to let you know what it is not wanting to happen to you if you go ahead with your plan.

Probably it’s not wanting you to fail, to be disappointed, to feel bad about yourself.

I know! It’s not logical to make you feel bad about yourself now so you won’t feel bad later! But that’s how it often goes.

Once it starts to feel you get it, you understand its worries, then you invite it to let you know what it wants for you to be able to feel. That’s when the shift often happens. I suspect it wants you to be happy and fulfilled. But it’s not so much that information that’s important, it’s the relationship between you and it. You’ve listened to what really matters to it, and it knows you’ve heard it.

Now something really new can happen!

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