When you try to cut back on all you are doing, do you hit resistance? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I’m getting really stressed, and it’s starting to affect my health. I’m trying to cut back on some of the stuff I’ve taken on, but each time I think about what to let go of, I get these thoughts about being a failure.
Something in me seems to think that if I do less, I’m less of a valuable person.
Dear Reader:
Good for you for being aware of your stress, for knowing that something needs to change — and for noticing what your thoughts are when you try. Well done!
Something in you has linked your activities to your worth as a person. It believes — or fears — that only by doing it all are you worthwhile.
No wonder you’re feeling stressed!
There’s a history to this. Maybe these were messages you got growing up, cultural and family messages, about what it takes to be worthwhile.
We absorb such messages like the air we breathe, making them feel true and unchangeable. But they’re not. Not necessarily true, and certainly open to change.
Try this: Add the words “something in me” to your stressful thoughts.
“Something in me says I’d be a failure if did less than I do now.”
Now say Hello to that “something.” And listen. This is a part of you that’s worried that you’d lose something valuable to you by doing less. Be its listener. Let it tell you how it feels, and what it’s worried about.
As you listen to its concerns, you’ll become less merged with it, less convinced that what it says is true — while at the same time being respectful to its feelings.
Underneath the clamor of your worried parts is your own sense of what you truly value and believe, the kind of person you really want to be. How lovely to get in touch with that and live from there!
